Westsiiiiiiiiiiide!!!!!!!!

Merry Christmas, Everyone!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know it's been a while since I posted. For anyone who doesn't follow me on Facebook, I apologize for not updating when I returned from Guadalajara. I haven't been much in a writing mood. I know some people are missing my updates, however, things are going so well, I didn't want to jinx myself by getting to concentrated on having to report to everyone again.

I hit 171 lbs. in Guadalajara. I missed 184 lbs. I held my ranking, 10th in the world, which was good. I have one more national meet in Oklahoma in February before the deadline for rankings hits, which is the end of February. After that is when we find out who made the Paralympic Team.

Since I came back from Guadalajara, I have found a sports psychologist. He is located in Cleveland and it takes me a little over an hour to get there. However, he's been very good so far & when you want something you have to do whatever is required to get it. It should benefit me a lot and I should be ready to hit some bigger weight in February.

In a separate subject of interest, I'm now 'officially' ranked 7th on the able-bodied federations National ranking list. In December, 2 weeks after I returned from Guad., I went back to Cincinnati to visit Laura Phelps-Sweatt & crew. Laura signed me up with an SPF Federation membership and they allowed my lifts to count in federation at their meet. I'm so grateful to those at SPF for allowing my lifts to count and allow me to be a part of their federation. I lifted 170 there, and missed 185 twice. It was the first time I had really failed in Cincinnati, which was disappointing, however, it turned out to be somewhat of a blessing because Louie Simmons of Westside Barbell, in Columbus, was there and watched me lift. When my lifts were over, Louie was kind enough to sit with me about a half hour or so, and give me tips, while Brian texted me back and forth and asked questions about what to do in my training. It was all very helpful information and I'm officially on a Westside template for my powerlifting training program. Laura & Shane have offered to answer any questions that we might have during my training cycles and I also have spoken with Amy Weisberger who is very helpful and also belongs to Westside. I'm sure I'll have an adjustment period to deal with, but, I'm pretty excited about the program. Brian tried it with me before, but, as Brian says, it was at the very beginning and I didn't have much confidence in the program cuz I didn't know much about it...and I didn't have near the confidence in him that I do now.

I'm sure I'll be back blogging at some point. I'm just not in a proper mental state to be able to do it at the moment. I've been doing so much better since I don't know my numbers. But, rest assured everything is wonderful. "Just another day in Paradise." The gym is still my very favorite place to be & Brian is my trainer, 2 years and 4 months and counting. I couldn't as for anything more. I'm humbled and appreciative beyond words. It's been an incredible journey.

Strong(er)

Well, I have 4 days till I leave for Guadalajara. I've been so busy with keeping up with schoolwork. As I type this out, I'm also listening to a lecture to get ready to take a test. It's been pretty crazy. But, all is well.

Lifting is excellent! I hit 180 again on Friday and it felt GREAT. It's going up SO much better than it was in August. There's no question that it's going all the way up as I push it off my chest. Definitely strong & getting stronger! Or as Elitefts says Strong(er). :O)

My muscles feel great. My CNS took a big dump over the last week but, Brian expected it & I'm recovering just like he said I would. {Imagine that?! ;-) } I'm on my second antibiotic in the last couple wks for sinus but getting better all the time. I feel really good and I'm not NEAR as nervous for the trip as I was when we left for Malaysia.

Thursday I depart. Friday I get to Guad. The following Thurday I'll lift and that Sunday I come back home. I'll update as I can. Thanks for following!

Birthday Princess!!!!!!!

I've spent 3 birthdays with Brian & his family now. :-) They're the best. We just sit & have dinner & laugh & tell stories & jokes. It's so much fun. I love quality time more than anything in the world. If no one ever gave me a thing but spent time with me just sitting & chatting, all would be right with the world. Brian hadn't seen my new apartment yet, so, I made them dinner & they came over to my apartment. It was perfect. I felt all adult-like finally. I had my own dinner guests in my own place & made my own dinner all by myself.

I did have a little mishap early on in the day. I have a sinus infection & my nose started to bleed. BOTH SIDES! It bled for a long time! Long enough that I called my best friend Stef to bring me some Vaseline cuz nothing else would stop it! That did the trick though. And the rest of the day was perfect. She saved my day!

Anyway, I got to have a perfect princess day. I chose what I wanted to do & what I ate and who I was with. It was amazing. My 91 year old g-pa took me to breakfast too. And I told Brian that I want to run the prowler when I get home from Guadalajara! lol. I wanted to do it tomorrow but I think I'm too close to leaving for him to let me.

I love birthdays. Perfect day with most all my favorites. Can't wait to do it again next year. It was a perfect send-off before my next big meet. Leavin' the 10th. Can't wait. I'm real excited for this meet. Numbers are pretty much set. Training feels great. Brian has me healthy & feelin' good & ready to hit it.

Torn

WELL! Let me start off with some VERY important news that I never updated you all on. Brian got FIFTH in his body-building show!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He hasn't competed in 20 years and he went in & placed in his first competition back!!!!!! He was soooo impressive!!!!! I was so proud of him. And I'm so proud he's my trainer. He's still keeping his blog, throughout his off-season, if any of you want to follow. http://workout-center.blogspot.com. He is going to do another show in the spring, I think. Can't wait :)

I've been pretty torn lately. I get a lot of comments from my relatives that don't live near me or see me often, when I do get to talk to them, for not keeping up on my blog too much anymore. I've been feeling very bad about it. I know you guys like to follow me & know what I'm doing, but, I've been doing SO good mentally since I stopped blogging & knowing my numbers day in & day out. I'm three weeks out today & I haven't asked Brian for a number yet. I just love going in & lifting. Once in a while Brian throws a number out at me if he knows I'll be pleased, or if he needs to make a point with something he's talking about. But, I didn't even ask yesterday. Brian smiled, so, that's enough for me. If he's pleased, I know it's okay & I don't need to worry. I'm hoping my second lift will be 186 this time around. I'm not sure what I'll open with. Somewhere around 165 maybe. And then I'll see how well the second lift happens & go from there.

Anyway, I love you all for all your support. I'm doing GREAT! I love training & I know my accessory work seems to be increasing, so, the bench either is or will be shortly. AND I still have the same trainer :-) Go ahead, high five the person sitting next to you, I'll wait..........haha. That's ENORMOUSLY awesome to me. Over 2 years now! Everything is good. It just goes much better when I actually think about the technical things or just the fact that I like to lift, instead of my numbers. I'll try to get a bit more frequent with posting SOMETHING. Hope you all are doing well!!

Sooooooooooooooo EXCITED!!!!!!!!!!!

WELL!!!!!!!!!!! Brian's body-building show is in exactly ONE WEEEEEEEEEK!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't wait to see him up there. I'm so proud & honored to call him my trainer. He's so knowledgeable & so committed to everything he does. It's gonna be a great time next week! I'm so excited. I know he's gonna do great. Here's the link to his blog if anyone wants to see what he's been up to or what he looks like now: http://workout-center.blogspot.com

Things are moving along for me. A couple weeks ago I did 155 for 8 which was amazing & made Brian & I very happy. I struggled last week & everything felt heavy yesterday but I'm not sure what I did yesterday. Got a tight trap that's hurtin' pretty good at the moment but I'm sure it'll be taken care of at massage on Tuesday. Brian loosened it a bit yesterday but he did that before I worked out so by the time I was done & had to stay tight all that time, I woke up stiffer today than I was yesterday. 7 weeks till Guadalajara. I have an at-home data entry job that I absolutely L-O-V-E now. I am doing pretty decent with school. And I'm getting ready to move to my own apartment. So, my stress has been pretty high lately, but, I'm managing. Hope all of you are doing well. Make sure you check Brian's blog out!

GREAT Competition

I think most everyone that gets this also has Facebook & already knows everything, but, just in case, I thought I should probably blog :)

I got ALL 3 lifts, ALL 9 white lights!!!!! 148 lbs., 170 lbs., 181 lbs!!!!!!!

I weighed in at 119.24.

I actually stopped mid-lift, half-way up, on the last one, but, I drove through & had no trouble with the lockout :)

Shane has taught me a lot about when to focus & now being 'too' focused & using all that energy. So, I made some adjustments with that.

Wade told me to treat it exactly like training day. So, I made some adjustments there.

And when I still ended up freaking myself out, I just remembered every single time Brian has told me this is what I'm supposed to be doing...it's what I was born to do...So, I did it :)

Here are the youtube links to my lifts:

148 ~ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=egBHlvo-7BE&NR=1

170 ~ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fHl498Ga_x0&NR=1

181 ~ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tfYoOTsgGck


It's been a rough year, but, I've learned SO much. I was so mentally different at this meet than I ever have been at any other meet. I wasn't concentrated on who was gonna think what if I missed my lifts. I just did it. Cuz, that's what I was born to do :) I also felt great physically.

Rolaids

Well, my blog tonight was originally going to be entitled "Relief". Then I found I already have a blog entry with that name. So, I messaged my mom on Facebook (while I was downstairs and she was upstairs) & asked her what product used their name and said it spelled relief. She said Rolaids. I said "For heartburn?" She said yes. And thus the subject for this blog entry was born. It's kinda funny that it was a product to relieve heartburn. I was going to talk about my heart being so much happier recently. :-)

I know that some of you are going to be greatly disappointed but I've decided to continue to keep this blogging thing to a minimum. I'm so much happier with my mental game since I haven't been blogging, which has made me so much happier in my workouts. I don't worry about what it is when I fail. Brian knows & he'll figure out how to fix it. So, I'm finally just moving on to the next thing instead of having an aneurysm because my bench 'isn't going up' every. single. solitary. time. When Brian isn't quite sure, he talks to me about it, but without mentioning any weights, and today I was able to correct a form issue without getting all bent out of shape about struggling because I had no idea what I struggled with. It was something that was so slight that he never would have been able to see it to address it for me...it had to be me that fixed it. It worked. I ended up doing 180 for an easy single on Wednesday. Today I did hit 175 once, which was what i struggled with just a bit, but, ended up hitting 170 for 4 singles once I got my form worked out. All's well in the neighborhood.

Then on black-miniband triceps pressdowns, Brian hit me with the band a few times & made me laugh. Those moments are always high on the list to help me breathe a little easier as well. :-)

A week out tomorrow (Saturday). I'll update after the meet. Later gators!

Down to Business

Well, I don't know how today went. I think it's best. I failed on my last attempt of a single. I have no idea what it was. I very purposely kept it as such. I could only assume I wasn't supposed to by the reaction & the fact that Brian told me at the beginning to leave one left over. So, it is what it is. My numbers for the meet are set & I'll do better this coming week & be prepared for the meet. And I can't freak out because I have no idea just exactly how I did today. I just continued talking & so did he, and we moved forward with the day. Two weeks tomorrow is the meet.


Brian is 8 wks. out of his body-building show, I'm pretty sure. I'm SOOOOOOOOO excited, cuz he started a blog!!!!!! YAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!! Everyone follow him at workout-center.blogspot.com. Check out his picture. He looks incredible! I can't believe he still has two months to go!!!!!! If you need any personal training or diets, call The Workout Center!!!!!!!! :-D

TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO YEARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We all know how much I LOOOOVE birthdays right?!?!?!? Well...HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my training journey with Brian!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Guess what?! It's been TWO YEARS since I had to switch trainers. TWO YEARS!!!!!! I've been training with Brian for as long as it took me to find him! lol. This birthday won't last all week...there won't be any special treat dinners or anything. I'm less than 3 wks from a meet & Brian is getting closer to his body-building show & doesn't get but 1 hour once a week to cheat. BUT it DEFINITELY deserves recognition. This is huge for me...it brings tears to my eyes & I'm so grateful I haven't had to go through that switching stuff again. No more "new guys"!!!!!!

I got a great revelation on Sunday. Quite possibly my favorite one ever. Although, I probably say that about every revelation when it's new. Anyway, here goes:

Sunday's message at church was about peace. One of the scriptures used was the one about Jesus being asleep in the boat when the storm started & the apostles panicked. In the beginning of that story in the Mark reference, Jesus says "Let us go over to the other side." The storm starts & the apostles panic & freak out & wake Jesus up & say to Him "Don't you care if we drown?" Jesus calms the storm. Then He says "Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?"

Ben, one of our Deacons who was giving the sermon, said first to notice that Jesus showed no slack to them. He didn't say "Oh, it's okay that you're afraid because you're human." SECOND (and this is the major revelation), He wasn't necessarily upset because of the general fact that they were afraid.....he was upset because He had already TOLD them, "Let us go to the other side." He didn't say let us go out & wander aimlessly & you just follow me. He said He was going to take them from point A to point B. God isn't going to tell you that He's taking you from point A to point B & let you drown in the middle. HE WILL get you there!!!

A year ago I was in Malaysia. Two weeks before I left as I sat in the stairwell very nervous, in tears & not wanting to leave. Brian stood on the steps & reassured me for a good 15 mins. that everything would be fine. He told me I'd be coming home & that he was staying around. He said he was gonna get me to this Paralympics & then to the next. He said something about taking care of my shoulders & things so he can still be training me in 10 years. He said he enjoys training me & when I got back from Malaysia he'd be here & we'd continue with life as normal.

This has been a very turbulent year for Brian & me...much more so than the first. In my opinion, I'm sure he'd trade starting at the beginning to figure out how to train me over what I put him through this year any day. I heeded what he said before I left for Malaysia.....for maybe a month. Then something else came up & I'd screw up or be in a bad mood or wouldn't lift well & I'd wonder again if he wanted to train me or if he'd had enough. This has been continuous because of my deep-rooted insecurities.

Then I heard the sermon on Sunday. Where is my faith? Why am I so afraid? Brian said everything I could have asked him to say. It was like it was scripted right from heaven coming out of his mouth to me. Why would I have any reason to think anything different, if he's never said any different or acted in a way as though he's going to leave. He was here when I got back, we continued as normal, it's a year later, he's still my trainer. He's the longest lasting trainer I've had. He talks about my future meets & what he's going to do with me & how he plans to get me stronger. What more do I need? (And there has been so much more that he has given me)

I'm sure the apostles were afraid because they themselves couldn't do anything about the storm. But, they should have known that Jesus was right there with them & there was no need to be worried. Jesus calmed the storm INSPITE of the Apostles unbelief. I have been so afraid because I knew I couldn't do anything on my own to get to the Paralympics. Brian has been a trooper & continued to train me INSPITE of my own unbelief. Funniest (well, not really funny haha, but, interesting) thing about it is at one point I also questioned Brian about whether he cared or not.

Brian said he'd get me from point A to point B. He's not gonna let me drown in the middle. Not only that, but GOD has given me the vision for the Paralympics. So, beyond human error that could occur at any time GOD will NOT let me drown between point A & point B. If I lost everything I've built with Brian as my trainer, God would still be able to get me to the Paralympics. My peace is in God. That's all I need.

I'm ready to get out of my own way. I've said that before, but each time I do better & better at it. I don't need to do a thing but go in & lift. Brian's waiting for me there at the gym each day when I'm supposed to show up. He's got my program in hand & he believes some day we're gonna make it happen. I just need to lift & it will happen, some day.

I think I've learned more lessons this year than any other year of my life. I can actually feel myself maturing. I've taken huge steps...monumental steps...that I wouldn't have taken 2 years ago. They've been taken mostly at Brian's prodding. But they've turned out to be what's best for me. He cares all right....probably more than I could imagine. He's still my trainer. And he's better than the best of the best at his job. No one has been able to suggest anything for the weight room that he hasn't already done with me or that he hasn't already figured out isn't good for me because of my condition. I look forward to a much better third year and an even better fourth...and so on down the line...atleast to 10 years, right? ;-) I'm so very blessed. I just wish I wasn't so spoiled that it clouded my view so often.

Happy birthday Official Training Journey. You're a dream come true, in more ways than I can count.

P.S. ~ Happy Anniversary to my parents :-)

Progress Report

Hi All! 3 weeks to go!!!! Actually, exactly today. I hit 165 for 3 yesterday. Brian said he was pleased & didn't expect more. Once I found out it was 165, I was disappointed I didn't reach 4, but, then I pondered 170 burying me so many times not all that long ago & I decided 165 for 3 was A-OKAY. :-D We discussed what I'm gonna lift at my meet. 150 will be my opener. And I'll go from there. Hope all of you are doing great! I'll check back again soooon. ;-)

Occupational Therapy

Well, the meet's 4 weeks away (tomorrow) so I figured I would check in with you all. Some non-training stuff I'm sure most of you would like to know is I start school next month to begin getting my Bachelors (and later Masters) in Counseling. My schoolbooks arrive Tuesday. I'm taking online courses. Also, I got a part-time job, working at an insurance agency, scheduling appointments for my boss. Won't interfere with training & he's okay with my competitions. Life. Is. Good.

I did 155 lbs. today for 6. Brian said that roughly comes out to a 185 lb. max. So, that's awesome. :-) My triceps strength is really going up, I've noticed. Also, Today I used 65 lb. dumbbells for floor presses. Since I taught myself to use my lats, I've really been feeling my rows a lot more...and liking them a lot more. :-) It's helping on all kinds of things. It's also much easier to sit up straight since my back is stronger. I don't think my lats were strong enough to hold me up before!!! I'm determined to get this hump out of my back yet! lol.

To do my sidebend exercise on Friday's, I lay on a leg curl machine (I think it's the leg curl). Brian has to remove a front piece so I can get on it. I picked it up to put it back on, but I have to bend over kind of far to get it in the right position to fit the square of the machine into the square of the loose piece. When I picked it up, Brian walked into the room & I said, "I think I tried this last time & it didn't work out too well." I tried a few times & laughed & went to hand it to him. He just stood there & said "Try it again....square up a little more." I said "Then my foot will be in the way." He said "Then move your foot." I said "But then I can't lean over." And he said "Just try it." So, he stood & coached me through it......and it worked! I did it! His son walked in the room & said "What's going on? What are you doing?" to Brian. I said "He's teaching me to listen to him instead of always having to do things my way." ....Brian could apply about anywhere, after training me. He's got all kinds of experience. He does massage & stretch stuff with me. Today was a little bit of occupational therapy. He does stretches on my back and my legs like the physical therapist. And he keeps my bench press going up and up.

I heard a song on the radio on the way home today & one of the lines was "Some day, when my life has passed me by, I'll lay around and wonder why you were always there for me." ......How appropriate. :-) I love training. It's my very favorite thing in the whole wide world :')

First Rule of Holes:

I just got done reading an EXCELLENT book called "Mind Gym", recommended by my bench buddy, Big Wade. I think it's my favorite sports psychology book that I've ever read. This week as I was finishing it up, I read this: "The First Rule of Holes: When you find yourself in a hole, the first rule is to stop digging." I had kind of already started to do that, but, when I read it, I put all the pieces of the puzzle together. Just go back to the basics & trust yourself, the book says. It's HARD to stop digging, especially when you're an action person...but, it doesn't take long to see that if you keep going, you're going to be in a whole lot of trouble.

I'm still not asking Brian for my numbers....especially bench. I wanted to check in with you all though. I've had a couple of people say that they miss my blog entries. Things are going much smoother than they were. I think I finally am getting the hang of relaxing. Brian ever-so-graciously rearranged my workout again to adapt to the mindset I was struggling with. I'm so lucky to have him.

I DO know that I did 25 lb. dumbbells for 8 reps on triceps rollbacks on Monday & I've never done that before. Usually after 2 reps with 25 lbs., Brian takes them from me cuz my form falls apart from not being able to handle the weight. So, I was really excited about that. Also, my close grips w/ boards went up 10 lbs., from last week to this week, with the same reps, same RPE.

We've been following what the TRAC says to do according to my stress level and that seems to be helping out a great deal. I was pretty leary of it and was stressing about my stress level, until this week when Brian pointed out my close grips were increasing by the week. That REALLY helped me calm down & my stress level fell the next time we were supposed to work out :) Such is the life of an over-analyzer. lol. I'm much more comfortable with it now and glad it's there to help guide us.

Thursday I was driving down the road and I pushed myself away from my steering wheel!!!!!!!! Probably the only one reading this that will understand what I mean would be Brian. lol. That was literally monumental! Brian, and Wade & John (The bench guy that came to do the seminar in April) have all tried to tell me and teach me how to push myself away from the bar, not push the bar away from me. I just couldn't figure out what they meant! I tried so many things! When I'd try to do it, most of the time, my scaps wouldn't stay together, or I'd do good for one rep and not be able to do it any more. :( SO! As I was driving down the road and doing my scap exercises, somehow I stumbled across pushing myself away from the steering wheel into my seat and my scaps stayed together!!!!! Voila!!!! All it takes is one time!!! Bench felt THE MOST stable that it has for MONTHS yesterday!!!!! Brian made a lot of comments about me getting stronger. I know I did 8 reps, but, I don't know what the weight was. lol. But, he said he didn't expect me to get 8 reps, so, I was pretty happy about that!!!!!!

Everyone have a safe and happy Fourth of July. I'll be back periodically for an update. :)

Maturing

Hey everyone~ I know I said there wasn't gonna be a blog today, but, I decided to let you all know there isn't gonna be a blog for a while. I think I've pulled a Rocky II where he lets the hype and attention divert his focus. So, I'm going back to the basics and seeing what that helps. Any one of you are more than welcome to contact me any time to see how things are going. It isn't that I don't want to keep you updated. I just need to re-focus on things....and get my attention off of my bench and off of my numbers. I'm going to ask Brian that he not tell me my numbers from now until much closer to time for my meet. I think it will help me to relax more and not be so worried about whether or not my bench went up every day. So, Thanks to all of you for your faithfulness in following me. :-) I'll be back some time. I just have some more maturing to do....mentally.

Special Request

I slept about 4 1/2 hours last night...tops. I took two TRAC tests cuz the first one was absolutely awful. So, I waited till I could relax and took another one which turned out good. However, I special requested that Brian not give me my numbers for today. It's safe to assume that the amount of sleep I had + the reaction of Brian after my lift = not even remotely close to where I should or want to be. I have been really working on getting better mentally and not holding on to past workouts. I've been trying to focus on each individual workout as a new one with new expectations and new possible outcomes. So, I didn't want to take what I had a feeling was one of the world's worst lifts and put it in my brain for storage. I'm trying to make better decisions about things and keep some pressure off myself. I think it's helping. I just don't have it down-pat yet. I'm getting there. :) I'm hoping Sunday will be an upstairs day to go over some things, so, there might not be a blog. Everyone have a great weekend!!!!!!!!!

Weight. Not Volume.

So, today my TRAC said I was pretty stressed out so we backed off 'all unnecessary volume' and did a little heavier weight with my rows and such.

Oscillating Bench - 135 lbs., 150 lbs., 155 lbs., all for 2. RPE 9.

Cambered Bar Rows p 85 lbs., 105 lbs., for 5. 115 lbs., for 4.

Dumbbell Rows - 35 lbs., 40 lbs., 50 lbs., all for 5.

Facedown Lateral Raises - 12 lbs., 6. 15 lbs., 2 sets of 6.

Sidebends - 3 sets of 20, each side.

<3 Stretching <3

4-Count Pause

WELL!!!!!! I feel soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much better!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I stopped drinking Almond Milk and I'm almost completely back to normal!!! YAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!!! I'm not sure what it was about the Almond Milk, but, as Brian always says, "Are you feelin' good? Then just go with it." I certainly will!!!!!!! Today we hit Competition Bench but increased my pause to a 4-count! Trying to get me through that sticky/slow spot a couple inches off my chest.

Pretty sure my RPE was 9 today.

4-Count Competition Bench - 95 lbs., 135 lbs., 145 lbs., 155 lbs., 150 lbs., all for 3.

Dumbbell Bench - 40 lb.s, 50 lbs., 55 lbs., 50 lbs., all for 6.

Triceps Pullover/Press - 55 lbs., 65 lbs., 6. 80 lbs., 5. I like these a lot!!!

Lateral Raises - 12 lbs., 3 sets of 10. These felt really great.

Seated Goodmornings - 3 sets of 8, we didn't use a band today.

<3 Stretching <3

Training As Normal

Before I started this TRAC program, I don't think I realized how important recovery methods were. Of course, when something hurts I ice it and I get regular massages. But, when my CNS shows up stressed on this program, it will suggest implementing recovery methods.....and IT WORKS!!!!!!!! SOOOO, I have just started implementing them to begin with and for the second half of this week, my TRAC has said "continue training as normal." YAY!!!!!

Low-Rows - 60 lbs., 70 lbs., 80 lbs., 90 lbs. 12, 10, 8, 6, respectively.

Cable Iron Cross - 20 lbs., 3 sets of 12.

Pullovers - 30 lbs., 3 sets of 10. We set up over the Low Row bench today instead of the regular bench....and I REALLY liked it!! :) I think I like both ways, it just felt real good to switch it up. :)

<3 Stretching <3 We stretched over one of the leg machines today. My IT Band is REALLY tight and it REALLY helped to switch that up too!!! :)

I Get It

Brian has always said to me "Relax." That's his answer....probably upward of 85% of the time. It has really frustrated me most of the time because I didn't know how...and I also didn't think it was an answer to much of anything. .....Now I get it. Finally....after (almost) 2 years. I get it.

I try to force things to happen. I want things so badly that I try to produce (or reproduce) things, instead of just letting them happen naturally. I want to be mentally strong so badly that I try to force myself to be mentally strong. I want to have a 200 lb bench so badly that I try to force myself to have a 200 lb. bench. I try to have all my ducks nice and neat in a row. I've been so frustrated for the last month because every time I benched I did everything I was taught to do...lats & scaps tight, white knuckles on the bar, elbows tucked, pull chest up on the way down, push it away on the way up, pull the bar apart, stay tight all the way through, hold your breah, don't move, lock it in on the handoff to produce extra stability......the list goes on and on. I did every thing every time and it produced nothing. I was trying to make myself bench instead of letting myself bench. I was trying to force myself to be stronger & to be perfectly stable instead of letting myself do it.

THAT'S what he meant!!!!!!!!!!!!! Just let it be what it will be and let the chips fall where they may. Sure there are certain things that you have to learn and you have to know and keep in order, but, every thing isn't gonna go every time. And if you let it go and let it happen, even when every thing isn't right on, you just might make the lift anyway. ;-)

Today I asked him if I was pausing long enough on my bench and if I was holding my scaps evenly on my military press. I could tell both times he wanted to smack me and tell me to RELAX. But, he didn't. He came up with new answers with longer explanations.....But it still meant relax, just the same. haha. I smiled and agreed and didn't ask anything else....cuz I finally get it. Just let your natural juices flow...give your body and your muscle memory a little credit, Chelsi. Just do it because you know how, not because you need practice cuz you're afraid to do it wrong. Let it be what it will be.

I am reading this book right now called 'The Mind Gym.' It says "The probability of achieving the outcome you want increases when you let go of the need to have it." ~ I don't know how I did this....but this is finally the realization that I came to. It's a REAL hard one. You're afraid to let go for fear that letting go will keep it from happening...but just the opposite takes place. It's finally free to turn out in your favor. My fear elimination therapist gave me this example a couple of weeks ago. She said "Think of things like sand. If you grab a hand full of sand and you squeeze real tight to try to hold onto it, almost all of the sand will fall out from between your fingers. But, if you keep your hand open and hold it gently, all the sand will stay, and you may even be able to open your fingers a little bit without losing any sand." ...Isn't that cool?!

Today went extremely well. I only went up to 165 but it felt so much better. Much MUCH better. I just let it be what it was gonna be and it felt very good. I certainly didn't let my form fall all to pieces, but, I just quit thinking about it and just did it. I stopped trying to force myself and just trusted that I would. So, I did.

Competition Bench - 135 lbs., 145 lbs., 155 lbs., 165 lbs., 155 lbs.(2 sets), all for doubles. RPE was 9.

Close Grips with a board - 135 lbs., 155 lbs., 145 lbs.(2 sets) all for 6.

Cambered Bar Shrugs - 95 lbs., 12. 115 lbs., 10. 125 lbs., 8.

Dumbbell Military Press - 25 lbs., 30 lbs., 35 lbs., all for 10.

Shoulder Horn - 8 lbs., 2 sets of 15.

Chops - 40 lbs., 3 sets of 12, each side.

<3 Stretching <3

It was a GREAT day. :-)

R-E-L-I-E-F

Well, you all know my sister finally gave birth on Sunday. Isn't he completely adorable!!!!!!!! (I'm not bias or anything. haha.) AND....GUESS WHAT?!?!?! ....Today was a training day!!!!!!! :-D Love training days.

We did a new drill today. Oscillatory Competition Bench. I came down & held the competition 2-count...then I went up a few inches off my chest and back down and then all the way up. Brian has on my paper 'oscillate at FCD', but, I have no idea what that means. lol. I do know it is to teach me to break through my sticking point though. :-) My TRAC reading today said that my body was under a lot of stress, and suggested we not do any unnecessary volume. So we didn't do any drop sets. Here are the numbers:

RPE was 9.

Oscillatory Competition Bench - 95 lbs., 135 lbs., 140 lbs., all for 4.

Cambered Bar Rows - 65 lbs., 85 lbs., 95 lbs., 100 lbs., all for 6.

Dumbbell Rows - 30 lbs., 3 sets of 6.

Facedown Lateral Raises - 10 lbs., 3 sets of 10.

Side Bends - 2 sets of 20, each side.

<3 Stretching <3 .....Missed this!!!!!!!

Matias Amin Herrera

I'm hoping this turns out right. I am trying to post a picture of my newest nephew to my blog. His name is Matias Amin Herrera. Born to my sister, Nicki (a.k.a. my Pickle) & Brother-in-law, Jeffrey. I thought the news deserved a blog entry of its own. 5/29/11, 9:59 p.m.(San Diego time) 6 lbs., 6 ozs., 20 inches long. <3 I love you Matias <3

Waiting! (and waiting! and waiting! and waiting!)

Well, my sister has been having contractions for about 3 days....slowly progressing to active labor. I've had a couple breakdowns between today and yesterday not being there. I opted to not bench today, cuz I was pretty emotional and wasn't sure if I could handle it if the bench didn't turn out like it should. But, I'm also soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo excited. Just trying to get a better grip on this whole mental game and not put so much pressure on myself. Trying to allow myself to change the plan and not do things the same and realize it's actually NOT the end of the world and very well could be good for me a lot of the time. :-)

So, today went well. I was happy even though I didn't bench. Everything felt good!!

Dumbbell Bench Press - 35 lbs., 40 lbs., sets of 12. 45 lbs., 11. 50 lbs., 6. 40 lbs., 12.

Military Dumbbell Press - 25 lbs., 4 sets of 10.

Skullcrushers - 45 lbs., 12. 55 lbs., 2 sets of 12.

Chops - 30 lbs., 1 set of 12, each side. 40 lbs., 2 sets of 12, each side.

<3 Stretching <3

Say a prayer for my baby sister and the wee one. :-) Thanks everybody!!!! He should be here soooooooon!!!!!!!

And, I won't be blogging until next Wednesday. Brian's taking the weekend off :-) (Good for him!!!)

Quiet Day.

Not much to report today. Pretty good and uneventful day! :-) Visited the doc yesterday just to get checked over, cuz I really haven't been recovering well from workouts and been generally feeling pretty yucky. Waiting on some bloodwork to come back, but, I feel much more normal tonight than I have after the last couple of workouts.

Low-Rows - 60 lbs., 12. 70 lbs., 2 sets of 10. 60 lbs., 12.

Lateral Pulldowns - 50 lbs., 3 sets of 12.

Dumbbell Hammer Curls - 15 lbs., 2 sets of 12.

Shoulder Horn - 5 lbs., 2 sets of 20.

Sidebends - 2 sets of 20, each side.

<3 Stretching <3

Recovery

Starting the bounce-back process from the wall I've hit. Changing it up a bit, keeping things light, different types of stress than usual.

Bench w/ 3232 tempo (3 sec. down, 2 sec. pause, 3 sec. up, 2 sec. pause) - 95 lbs., 100 lbs., 105 lbs.(2 sets), all for 8.

Kettlebell Shrugs - 50 lbs., 2 sets of 12 and a set of 8.

Lateral Raises - 15 lbs., 3 sets of 12.

Seated Good Mornings - about 3 with the band but Brian was holding back all the tension, so he took it off and I did about 5 on my own.

Triceps Pressdowns - 1 set of 12 with the Orange Band, 2 sets of 15 with the Black Mini-Band.

<3 Stretching <3

I started on the TRAC program this weekend to gauge my recovery & my Central Nervous System stress. A huge thank you to Mike Tuchscherer for adding me to Team RTS as a sponsored athlete. Check out his website: www.reactivetrainingsystems.com.

There was no blog yesterday, because I didn't work out. Brian and I started a new schedule for Sundays. For a while, every other week or so we're going to skip the workout and take time to talk about questions I have about training, diet, etc. I'm pretty excited about it...I think it will help a lot in the mental part of my training. I don't think that it will be every other week for long. I've been reading a lot on my own, which has kind of brought up some of the questions, but, the more I learn, and after we get the initial questions out of the way, I'm hoping to work out more on the Sundays and just kind of leave it open for if I feel that I have enough that we need to take time to go over it all, then we will.

Awestruck.

In both good and bad ways.

I was sitting out in the parking lot, on the blacktop, stretching out because it was such a great day. The wind started to blow and I pulled my knees up to my chest to sit for a second in between stretches. The song that came on my mp3 player was "Time of my Life" by David Cook. I started to cry. Ya know how you just get complacent and used to things and you don't realize it but you start to lose your appreciation? Well, that's been me lately. I sat there and played the song over a second time and just thought about how I'm truly living a dream. It's a real life dream. I've got interviews for articles, and writing my own articles, and people asking my advice, and a trainer that is just as steadfast as anyone can be, through thick and thin. Then I thought of the Daughtry song that says 'Be careful what you wish for, cuz you just might get it all, you just might get it all...and then some you don't want.' And I laughed...there's plenty that comes with it that you don't bargain for. But, that's what keeps things hoppin' and interesting...and it's what brings you to these revelations of how completely amazing everything else about it is when you're sitting on the blacktop of your gym parking lot in the breeze of a spring day doing your stretches.

So, after that, I was ready and raring to go today. I was really ready to hit it. Just crush it. I went in and watched Brian finish up with the client before me. It was entertaining. I was having a good time laughing at the conversation. We started our session. We were doing singles with one left over (RPE of 9). 135 went up like a shot. So did 150 and 160. .......170 buried me. Again. Brian didn't miss a beat...he unloaded the bar and pulled me up, all the while whistling away to the song on the radio. I didn't even ask what it was. I kinda knew. All I said was "What'd ya see?" I kinda felt like I was in a little bit of shock...cuz I was SO ready to go today. Brian explained a little bit of the Central Nervous System to me again. He said he's gonna re-work my entire program starting next week and it's not a big deal and I'll be fine. I said okay. And we went about our business. I felt pretty calm. I understood more today of what he was talking about and connected it with myself and what I'm doing. .....But I was still pretty shocked because I felt so ready to go. And then I smiled and breathed. Because it wasn't mental. :-) It wasn't mental. Training needs tweaked and I'm mentally okay. ....Then I asked a question a couple exercises later, and we scratched the rest of the day so we could talk. Brian wrote stuff down and drew lines and circled things and then he drew his own little graph and he drew a little stick-figure of me AND my chair. :-) It was fun. And I understood...which is even more fun.

SO, as luck would have it, today my heart rate monitor came in the mail!!! YAAAAAY! And I'm going to get on this program called TRAC that tests your CNS every morning to see how stressed you are and what kind of a workout your body can handle. I'm gonna play around with it a little this weekend and then get signed up on the program probably the beginning of the week. I'll have to give all my reports to Brian so he can tweak my training to go along with what my stress patterns are. Then, hopefully in the future we can avoid 170 ever burying me again....especially several times in the same month!!!!!!

We did some Military Dumbbell Presses & some skulls, but, they were light...then we talked.

I had an interview today for the Vindicator to do another article on me. And here is the link to my commencement speech on youtube for anyone that I might have missed sending it to: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ceh7oc8Kdbc

Another Day

Having a few soreness complications. We improvised a bit. Things went pretty well. Brian said I looked pretty good.

Competition Bench - 135 lbs., 155 lbs., 160 lbs., 155 lbs., all for doubles.

Low-Rows - 60 lbs., 4 sets of 10.

Lateral Pulldowns - 80 lbs., 3 sets of 10.

Lying Sidebends - 2 sets of 20, each side.

<3 Stretching <3

The spot by my scar that has hurt for a long time hasn't hurt since my back popped on Monday! :)

POP! Goes the Weasel.

Haha. Not really. No weasels here. Brian's been really working on this one spot on my back to try to get it to not stick out so far. Today when he was tractioning my back he pushed on the same spot and it FINALLY popped!!! :-D It feels SO much better! Easier to sit up! Doesn't feel quite as lop-sided! Brian said it felt a whole lot smoother! .....Ironically, now my left side is getting tight. lol

So, benching wasn't that fantastic today.....due to my left side being uber tight. Lat & Teres are feeling pretty icky. Gonna do some major work on them tomorrow at massage. OH! Yesterday we just did like a little deload lat day. Here are the numbers from both days:

Sunday was Dumbbell Rows with 30 lbs., a few sets of 10. Then some Pullovers with 30 lbs., a few sets of 12.

Today:
Competition Bench - 145 lbs., 160 lbs.(2 sets), 145 lbs.(2 sets), all doubles, RPE 9.
Kettlebell Shrugs - 50 lbs., a set of 10 & 2 sets of 12.
Lateral Raises - 12 lbs., 3 sets of 12. (On my last set, I told Brian we could bench now!! My side finally loosened up!! lol. But, he said no, skip board presses today).
Seated Black Mini-Banded Good Mornings - 3 sets of 6 or 7. I'm loving these.

<3 Stretching <3

Advice to the Big Dogs

My buddy Clint, at Elite Fitness (that publishes my articles) hit a big PR on bench not long ago. Shirted, 443.5. He did fantastic. But as I watched his video, his arms were ALL OVER the place. So, I wrote him about some technique stuff that Brian has taught me and that John Bogart went over when Brian had his seminar at the gym. I couldn't tell 'exactly' what Clint was doing and what he wasn't, so I just typed out a bunch of things and told him to weed through and find what would help him. Today he posted log & video from his deload bench day from Tuesday...and he mentioned me giving him advice on his stuff. :-) It was pretty cool that I was able to give him some tips that he think will be useful for him. And when I told Brian about it today, he grinned from ear to ear like a proud papa. :-) And of course he didn't pass up the opportunity to point out to me "See how much you've learned? Listen to you." Yes, Brian, I see. I'm starting to put more together. ;-) ....Here's the link to Clint's log entry: http://asp.elitefts.com/qa/training-logs.asp?qid=145739&tid ...The ironic thing that kinda cracked me up tonight when I realized it is that the first two sentences when Clint mentions me, he says he started to work on his foot position and leg drive!!!!! Totally made me smile. MEEEE giving advice to HIM about foot position and leg drive. Oh, the ironies of life.

Today was a pretty big day in the gym. I hit 175 for a single with one still left in me. RPE was 9 today. So, that was pretty awesome. Here are the other numbers on the day:

Competition Bench - 135 lbs., 150 lbs., 160 lbs., 170 lbs., 175 lbs., 165 lbs.(2 sets), all for singles.

1 Negative at 200 lbs.

Dumbbell Military Press - 35 lbs., 45 lbs., 50 lbs., all for 5.

SkullCrushers - 50 lbs., 65 lbs., 70 lbs., all for 5.

Chops - 30 lbs., 3 sets of 15, each side.

<3 Stretching <3

Squeeeeeeeeze It In.

Car was getting worked on, so I had to get a ride to the gym. Was a little late getting there. Had to be done early for my ride back. Brian had to text me my workout numbers for the day. Now I'm exhausted and have to be up very early. Longer blog to come on Friday. :-)

Medium Grip Competition Bench - 140 lbs., 150 lbs., 160 lbs., 150 lbs.(2 sets), all for doubles.
T-Bar Rows!! - 45 lbs., 70 lbs., 70 lbs., 80 lbs., 70 lbs., all for 5.
1 set of 10, 15 lb. Dumbbell Curls while I was up on the T-Bar support.
Lateral Pulldowns - 80 lbs,. 90 lbs., 100 lbs., 90 lbs., all for 5.
2 more sets of 10 Curls from Pulldown seat.
Sidebends - 2 sets 20, each side.

<3 Stretching <3

Lining Things Up

Brian's been working on flattening out the hump in my back/ribs from my scoliosis. He has mentioned a couple of times that it seems to be getting better. Today I REALLY felt a difference in my scapula sliding when I was arching. :-) I think I'm laying much more evenly on the bench! Now I just have to get used to THAT new position. lol. It's feeling much better though. We also did a board press as a supplemental exercise and I think I'm FINALLY figuring out how to tell that I'm placing the bar in the correct place on board presses! June's meet was cancelled, so, we're working on deciding if we're going to do a 'mock meet' or if I'm going to go to an able bodied meet sometime in July. I'm also gathering information on measuring my Central Nervous System stress level, through a computer system, so that we can see what the best workout would be for me, day to day.

Lots of stuff getting up in order!!!

Competition Bench - 140 lbs., 155 lbs., 165 lbs., 155 lbs., all for 2. I got out of my groove again on 165. Trying very hard not to get too worked up over it. Brian says I'm always worse on Mondays and he plans my workout as such...so that my weight increases as the week goes on because I can handle it better.

2-Board Press - 135 lbs., 155 lbs., 165 lbs.(2 sets), all for 5.

KettleBell Shrugs - 50 lbs(?) - 3 sets of 12.

Black Mini-Band Seated GoodMornings - This was a fluke discovery. But, it was awesome :) When I leaned over one time to pick up the kettlebells, I ACTUALLY picked myself back up instead of Brian pulling me back up. SOOOO, we tried doing goodmornings with the kettlebells but I was using the weight to sway me back so I could get up easier. So, Brian put a black mini band around my neck and VOILA! They felt GREAT, Brian can have control and adjust the tension since it's a band, AND I felt it farther down in my back than the back raises!!!!!!!! So, Back Raises get bumped again :-/ BUT, this is going to be used to work back up to those once I get stronger! I think we did just a couple of sets of 6 or something.

<3 Stretching <3

Frequency.

I anticipate too much. I'm not good at processes and letting things 'play out' or 'work themselves out.' I anticipate things too much. I also worry that if they aren't fixed right away, they won't be. I like to have all my ducks in a row...a little too much.

Brian and I talked today about my shaking in mid-speech and how it correlates with me missing my last lift. Brian says stop thinking so much :-D It made me laugh...that's usually his answer to most things. A lot of times he's right though. He said that I'm normal and just like everyone else....actually a little better at things than everyone else, because I don't freeze right from the beginning. But, in the middle of it I realize where I'm at and what's going on. He said if I spoke more, it would eventually go away. He also said that as I compete more often, it will go away in that situation also. Just like I used to roll into my shoulders and I don't anymore. Just like I used to flare my elbows and I don't anymore. I just haven't competed enough yet. It'll come though. I just have to accept that it isn't here and I can't make it be here right now. It has to come in it's time. Not mine.

Double-Arm Dumbbell Rows - 35 lbs., 12. 40 lbs., 45 lbs., 50 lbs., 55 lbs., 50 lbs., all for 6.
PullOvers - 35 lbs., 40 lbs., 45 lbs., all for 12.
Black Mini-Band Face Pulls - 3 sets of 15. I requested facepulls today (When I do them on cabled, I call them cable iron crosses). I wasn't so excited when Brian suggested banded ones. I knew that meant I was staying in my chair. I don't normally like things that I stay in my chair for. Usually I can't pull my arms back and I can't figure out why. Well, today i finally figured out the issue. I had Brian put a strap around my belly and my chair so that I had something to push against. It helped A LOT. Brian didn't have to hold me back at all..Just held my chair down. I loved them. I liked them better than the cable ones. It felt great.

<3 Stretching <3

Commencement.

Commencement means an act or instance of commencing; beginning.
Commencing means to begin or start.

Today when I benched, I didn't do the reps that I wanted to or that I thought I should be able to do. I asked Brian how much it was, on my heaviest set. He said it was 165. It was a double. I felt the tinge of disgust with myself that usually evolves into complete frustration. Then Brian continued to talk. He explained to me (as he has done about a million times) how when I do reps, I accelerate on the way up, trying to be as explosive as I can be; but when I do that, it the bar starts to teeter cuz I can't push down with anything to stabilize & counteract the speed. So, on my second rep, when I start down, I'm crooked from trying to control the bar. When I'm crooked, I don't place the bar right. Then my elbows and triceps and lats are not in the correct position to get the bar back up with the ease that it should be and I end up fighting it out, and using up a whole lot of energy that I wouldn't use if I was in the correct form.

Today, (Finally), as Brian explained it to me, I gave myself a reprieve. It isn't that my strength diminishes one day and returns by the end of the week. It depends upon the amount of reps we do and if I'm actually doing the first one the way that I should, by being explosive, it throws me off for the reps to follow. I finally got it. So, just because I got 165 for only a double, doesn't mean I can't do 185. It doesn't mean that 170 should feel like a max. It shouldn't. With one single rep, it would be absolutely rock solid like it was supposed to be. Today I 'got it'. Today, I 'commenced' a new line of thinking. I'm not upset tonight about my workout. I don't need to worry about it for next week or the following weeks as I prepare for my next competition. It's simply a technicality that I have always known was there, but couldn't understand until I heard it over and over and finally the right words were all put together in the right way and the lightbulb went off.

Competition Bench - 140 lbs., 150 lbs., 160 lbs., 165 lbs., 155 lbs., all for 2. Then 2 negatives with 185 lbs., (meaning, I come down real slow and pause it, then Brian takes it, I don't push it back up).

Dumbell Military Press - 30 lb.s, 35 lbs., 40 lbs., 35 lbs., all for 6. (Had a big issue with stability with these today. Brian had to hold me from the front even after he strapped me)

SkullCrushers - 45 lbs., 55 lbs., 65 lbs., 55 lbs., all for 6.

Chops - 30 lbs., 3 sets of 15 on each side.

<3 Stretching <3 (Was pretty tight today. :-/ Hopefully tomorrow is better).

Tonight was College Commencement. Mom, Dad, Grandpa, Brother, Nephew & Brian and family came :-) It was super. My hands shook a little while I was holding my paper, but, my voice stayed strong. ;-) I realized something tonight though, I don't get nervous until the middle. When I'm in the middle of it, something in my brain goes "Crap. This is pretty big." .....I did that when I was giving my speech for Brian too. I'm wondering if there's a connection with my competitions, feeling like I'm okay and then somewhere in the middle getting nervous and missing my last lift.....something to ponder. Just not sure what to do about it :-P

Arrange & Rearrange

Sorry I missed the blog yesterday. I have to give my speech tomorrow at Commencement and I was informed just yesterday that I had to cut it down...way down. So, I did in 5 hours last night, what it took me 2 wks to do when I had to give my speech to present Brian's award. But, it's done. And I'm looking forward to it all now. :-)

Yesterday I felt good workin' out. We did T-Bars again!!! Had minor difficulty on the set up, but, we fixed a little here and there and it all worked out beautifully in the end. And I think we (Well, Brian) finally figured out the sure-fire setup for Sidebends. So, we should be all set to continue with those.

Medium Grip Competition Bench - 135 lbs., 145 lbs., 155 lbs., 145 lbs(2 sets), all for 3. I think my RPE was a 9, but, it might have been an 8...I got a little confused amongst all the talking. ;-)

T-Bar Rows!!!! - 70 lbs., 80 lbs., 90 lbs., 80 lbs.(2 sets), all for 5.

Lateral Pulldowns - 70 lbs., 90 lbs., 100 lbs., 90 lbs., all for 5.

Dumbbell Curls - 15 lbs., 2 sets of 12.

Lying Sidebends - 2 sets of 20, both sides.

<3 Stretching <3

Lock It In.

So, recently Brian has been working with me to 'lock it in' when I take the bar. Meaning (as if I'm not tight enough already) when he brings the bar out from the rack, before he releases it to me, I pull the bar apart as best I can and lock in my elbows and engage my lats, even tighter. I think it's been working pretty well. It seems to have helped with my stability on the handoffs.

Competition Bench - 135 lbs., 150 lbs., 140 lbs.(2 sets), all for 4. I think we were at a 9 RPE today. I'm not so great at remembering to blog that detail.

JM Presses - 65 lbs., 75 lbs., 85 lbs., 100 lbs., 90 lbs., all for 4.

Shrugs - 90 lbs., 105 lbs., 125 lbs., 115 lbs., all for 6, except, my grip dropped 125 slightly early on the last rep. Love shrugs :-)

Lateral Raises - 15 lbs., 3 sets of 8. I'm DEFINITELY getting stronger on these. I was able to hold my arms out REAL straight.

BackRaises - 1 set of 8. 2 sets of 10. I'm so thrilled that we are back to doing these!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love them. I'm so happy he came up with a way that wasn't so stressful to my body so we could work on them.

<3 Stretching <3

I applied for an office job today. I graduate Friday. And I'm pretty close to set up to go back to school online for Counseling. So, keep me in prayer with all the busy-ness that's about to take place. It's crossed my mind a time or two that I don't want to stretch myself too thin and be worn out for my training. :-/ But, I'll figure it out.

Also, please keep my finances for training in prayer. I'm much much lower this year than in the past years. I need something unexpected to break through here pretty soon. Thanks for your prayers :-)

Feelin' Strong!

The fundraiser went very well on Saturday! I'm going to be holding one more event before I do the drawing for the auction items. Just need to finalize the date.

Today was a great lat workout! :-) It felt good, my shoulders felt loose, and my lats pulled evenly on each side!! Things are swell.

Double-Arm Dumbbell Rows - 30 lbs., 35 lbs., 40 lbs., 45 lbs., 50 lbs., 45 lbs., all for 6.

Pullovers - 30 lbs., 35 lbs., 40 lbs., all for 12.

Chinups - 3 sets of 10.

<3 Stretching <3

Bittersweet

Well, today decided to combine itself into being my very favorite kind of day and my very least favorite kind of day, all in one. :-/

Brian and I sat and talked for an hour all about training and what happens in cycles and why it isn't as easy as just loading more weight on the bar and how you get a carry over from other exercises and how you peak from that carry over and before you peak, then you're in the valley. It was absolutely awesome. I loved it. My brain doesn't think like that. I don't understand all the technical science stuff. So, I love listening to him and learning more about it...the more we talk about it, the more mentally sound I think I'm getting with everything because it really does help to know that stuff. I never believed him when he would tell me that before. I just wanted to go lift. However, it's a huge help to know what to expect and when.

The downfall was that this whole conversation took place after 170 lbs. absolutely refused to come up off my chest. I'd lower it but there was absolutely no press at all. It just stayed down. :-( I was very frustrated (that's putting it tactfully). I've been so much better mentally this past month. I'm not worried about weight anymore after handling that 185 so well in Cincy. So, I don't know what the problem is. But, I do feel better than I normally do after a bad day like that, since we talked for so long and in detail of so much of the training stuff. Brian said he wasn't sure what's going on either....but the more he talked, I think he has a pretty good handle on it. I think he panics like me, but he's better at hiding it than me. It's not a very comfortable thing to watch (or to be the one it's happening to) someone get buried by something 20 lbs. lighter than what they are capable of lifting!! But, I think that he's watched me enough that inside he really knows that I'll recover soon. We just got away from doing my competition stuff.

It'll be A-OK. I'm getting better at handling days like this...pretty soon, we'll both automatically know that neither one of us did anything wrong....it's just a matter of my insanely habitual body needing to do the same thing over and over and over and over and over (well, you get the point). But, ya can't do that all the time and also stay healthy. So, I have to understand that my transition times take longer than a lot of people and that I always suck during that time. As soon as I can wrap my brain around that, I'll be able to take it all in stride. Understanding the training is helping a great deal with that. :-)

Mom & I set up at Springtime in the Village today for my Chinese Auction. The weather was very icky so we didn't get a great turnout. There were some that came and supported me though, and I'm very grateful. Can't wait to see what tomorrow brings!!!!

Medium Grip

Today we did competition pause with a medium grip. It felt very odd because my elbows flared more with my grip more narrow. But, It was good :-) We're still talking about all the stuff from the seminar that was almost two weeks ago. It's amazing how much information one of those things covers in just a couple of days. It's pretty impressive, actually. This weekend is the chinese auction fundraiser that I'm having in Columbiana at their event Springtime in the Village. My cousin Darlene has also made a whole lot of items for me to sell at my table, and Mom is setting up her Tastefully Simple stuff, and one of my aunts is making snack bags for me to sell. It should be a really good event!

Medium Grip Pause Bench - 135 lbs., 155 lbs., 165 lbs., 160 lbs., all singles.
Lateral Pulldowns - 70 lbs., 80 lbs., 90 lbs., 100 lbs., 110 lbs., all for 5...These felt GREAT today!!!!!! I did SO well with them
Flys - 25 lbs., 3 sets of 10.
Blackburns - 5 lbs., 2 sets of 10.
Side-lying Sidebends - 3 sets of 20 on each side. ...no bands today.

<3 Stretching <3

Sport Form

Today we started a 'sport form' week, which will simulate a competition at the beginning and at the end of the week. Today didn't go super great, but, it's been some time since I've lifted at maximum effort...about a month or so. So, Friday should go better.

Competition Bench - 135 lbs., 155 lbs., 2. 165 lbs., 170 lbs., 165 lbs., all for 1.

Cambered Bar JM Presses - 65 lbs., 75 lbs., 85 lbs., 105 lbs., all for 4.

Cambered Bar Rows - 75 lbs., 95 lbs., 105 lbs., all for 4.

Back Raises - 3 sets of 8.

<3 Stretching <3

Never Ending Leverages

So, today I busted out 6 triceps extensions with 20 lb. dumbbells. Then Brian gave me 25 lbs., and it buried me. That's happened before. So, I asked him if I could try it one arm at a time. That didn't work. So, he went back and got the 20's. But while he was exchanging them I analyzed how I was moving when I tried one arm. When he came back over, I told him to throw a chain across my belly....to give me something to push against, so my lower back/pelvis didn't come up. He looked at me rather strangely. But, he grabbed a chain and as he put it over me, he said it did kind of make sense. haha. It felt a lot better, but, it was hard to tell with the 20's. So, he got the 25's again and I actually got 3 reps out of them!!!!!!!!!! We were shooting for six, but, atleast I was able to do something with them! Made me real happy. I might have him try an additional chain next week. I'm still thinking about it, myself, and trying to process all of it. But, I was pretty excited that it worked, at least a little!!!

Pin Presses with Chains - I'm not sure how much chain we used this week....I'm gonna assume it was the same as last week and say 50 lbs. 110 lbs., plus chains, 5 sets of 3. 125 lbs., plus chains, 1 set of 2. 145 lbs. plus chains, a single.

Dumbbell Extensions - 20 lbs., 3 sets of 6. 25 lbs., 1 set of 3.

Facedown Lying Laterals - 10 lbs., 1 set of 12. 12 lbs., 2 sets of 12.

Shoulder Horn - 8 lbs., 3 sets of 15.

Chopes, 30 lbs., 2 sets of 12.

<3 Stretching <3

Soreness

I think the only time I have ever had lats as sore as the last two days is back when I first started to lift.....And it feels great!!!!!! :-) I'm thinking I must really be learning how to bench press!!! Activating those lats!!! haha. Something is definitely working because I felt like I was better able to hold myself back a little when the Rows got heavy today. Brian still had to pull alot to keep me upright but I definitely felt a difference in my strength of holding myself. Brian came up with a fantastic way to do sidebends. I lay on my side on the leg curl machine & he puts two straps around my legs. Then he held a band over top of me and I curled up....like a crunch but on my side!!!!! It worked out super duper well. It felt real good.

Low Rows - 70 lbs., 80 lbs., 90 lbs.(2 sets) 80 lbs., 6 reps a piece.

Cable Scarecrows - 30 lbs., 10. 40 lbs., 9 & 10.

Chinups - 4 sets of 8.

Biceps Curls - 12 lbs., 2 sets of 12.

Side-lying Sidebends - 2 sets on each side of 15, one set without a band and one with.

<3 Stretching <3

Talking a lot about all this training program stuff. It's so awesome :-D

Weird Stuff

BONUS BLOG!!!!!!!!!!!!

I LOOOVE Bonus blogs because it usually means something very excellent!!!!! Brian did cardio with me today for the first time in almost a year and it was so much fun!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so glad he had time again. It actually gave me some ideas of doing a few more things on my own, and it started my brain thinking about what I could rig up to do some of the other stuff on my own. haha. It also put a different spin on cardio for me after this weekend. One thing I heard over and over from Jeremy, the guy that did the deadlifting stuff this weekend, was that no matter what exercise he's doing, he does his best to mimick his deadlift movements. I thought that was really great and it puts a whole new light on any workout exercise that I'm doing. It really makes me feel like I'm always improving my bench no matter what I do. I've always kind of known that, but, this way of looking at it gives a direct link from each exercise to the bench press. Brian reminded me a couple of times today on some exercises we were doing. It made me enjoy the cardio more because I didn't just think of it as trying to get my weight down or maintaining my weight. I thought of it as actually practicing my bench press with every movement I did. (Plus it's always easier when Brian is there with his comments and the stuff he comes up with to do).

I didn't know he was going to work with me. It was a great surprise. I started out just doing suicides across the aerobics room. Then he came out and said "You wanna do some weird stuff?" I know I smiled from ear to ear when I looked up at him. We did some rope work, where he holds one end & I pull myself back and forth from end to end. But, he actually held it down under my arms instead of overhead so that it worked my lats more. It worked pretty well. I'm weaker that way, so, it was good to work on it. Then he gave me one of the sand bags and I had to do a triceps extension behind my head and then press it in front. It was kinda scary. My back was pretty weak trying to hold it in the air and I was pretty wobbly...but Brian walked all around the room to set other things up while I was doing it & my chair never tipped, so it was okay. haha. We did some supersets with those two for a while.

Then Brian busted out the huge 12 lb. med-ball. Now, I just have to tell you all that when I was little, my grandpa would try to work with me on catching little tennis balls and such in the living room and I would duck or flinch every time. I don't like things flying toward me at a high speed (or what to me is a high speed. haha). The most I've ever used with Brian is 8 lbs., but that's for wall bounces. He's used a 6 lb. ball for me to lay on my back and throw up at him, but, I've never touched a 12 lb. ball. Today he strapped me in a chair & we threw this ball back and forth for about 10 minutes. As if that wasn't enough for me to adjust to, then he told me to get on the floor and WE DID use the 12 lb. ball for him to drop at me while I was on my back and me to catch and throw back up at him. He said "Ready?" I said "Are you kidding me? That's 12 lbs!!!" He said "Do you want lighter?" Well, then I feel challenged, so of course I'm not going to say yes. But then, again, he said "Ready?" I said "No.", put my hands up and he let it go. I did super well though!!!!!!!!!!!! I did drop it toward my face one time and Brian said "You dropped that one! That's not my fault!!" haha. Then as we were getting done, he said "You trust me don't ya?" I wanted to say DUH!!!!!!!! But i just said a very firm, assured "Yes". lol. Then he had me do some backward wheeling across the room a few times. I actually wasn't near as bad at it as I thought I'd be.

All in all I did 30 minutes of cardio today and honest to the Good Lord it felt like 10. It was awesome & so much fun. Very refreshing. Now I have some tricks up my sleeve that I'll have to try on Saturday when he's busy training downstairs ;-)

Training Talk

We didn't do Back Raises today :-(...we started a bit late and we talked quite a bit about the seminar this weekend and questions I had about it. But, that always makes an awesome day to me, so it made up for missing back raises. :-) I really never cared much about my training...until I started to learn a little. Now I want to learn more and more and more. Love talking training. I also end up realizing that I understand a little more than I thought...it's just different terms that are being thrown around for the same idea.

Brian said I looked strong today :-) I haven't been logging very well what RPE's we've been using (for those of you that pay attention to that). Today for bench we did sets of 4 at a 9 (meaning I had one left over)

Competition Bench with 75 lbs., of chains - 95 lbs., 110 lbs., 125 lbs., 115 lbs., all for 4.

Cambered Bar JM Presses - 70 lbs., 80 lbs., 90 lbs., 100 lbs., all for 6.

Shrugs - 100 lbs., 3 sets of 12. :-)

Lateral Raises - 12 lbs., 3 sets of 12. ~ I actually REALLY enjoyed these today...very much. Brian lightened them up a little from what we used to do, because I didn't ever really get my arm straight out, then it would pull my shoulder forward. But, today, Brian held me from behind (cuz I was strapped to the bench from shrugs) & we used the lighter weight and it worked great and it felt really great.

<3 Stretching <3 Love stretching.

And again I say....

There's a saying that's humoring me tonight because it's reminding me SO much of how I'm acting. Did anybody's mother ever say "If I told you once, I've told you a thousand times?" Or "How many times do I have to tell you?" I feel like that's what God has been looking down saying to me....(and Brian too, in his own subtle way. And probably my parents. haha) I only worked up to 135 lbs. today on the bench but when I sat up, the pro that was there teaching the bench part of the hands-on session of the seminar said "She should be teaching the class." He threw out something about my elbows but said it's just a preference and I bench almost identical to how he benches.

SO, NOW to write ALL this down and who has said what to me over the past 6 weeks and COMPLETELY engrain it into every nook & cranny of my brain by the time the next meet comes!!!!!! Seriously....how many more times do I need to be told that my bench is perfect, I just need to bench? Let's hope NONE!!!!

Brian and I did some lat work while the rest of the crew went over deadlift. Here are the numbers:
Cambered Bar Rows - 75 lbs., 10. 85 lbs., 10. 95 lbs., 2 sets of 8. 85 lbs., 10.
Single-Arm Dumbbell Rows - 35 lbs., 2 sets of 12. 2 sets of 10.
Lat Pulldown - 70 lbs., 10. 80 lbs., 10. 90 lbs., 7, 8.

<3 Stretching <3

I absolutely had so much fun this weekend. The lectures yesterday were awesome & very interesting. Lots of interaction went on even at those sessions. The guys hung around and answered even more questions than they answered during lecture. Today was training day. I learned a lot, even about the squat and deadlift forms. I had a great time watching everyone else and seeing what I could pick up in my own head before the pros would give their critiques on people. I hung around long enough to be able to watch them train & watch Brian train. That's one of my favorite things & I haven't been there for that in a very, very long time. I gained a lot of little cues to remind myself of how to do things in my setup or during my actual press. I also got some ideas of how to think about benching even when doing other exercises. And I spoke with the guys about the mental stuff too. Then they invited me to dinner, as well. We laughed and had a great time. It was such a great weekend. I couldn't have asked for better. I'm so glad that Brian held the seminar. It was a fantastic experience.

RTS Seminar

Brian is holding a Reactive Training Systems Seminar Saturday and Sunday. I really can't wait! It's gonna be a great time. Mike Tuscherer, John Bogart & Jeremy Hartman are going to be giving the lectures & training with us throughout the weekend. I'm very excited about it!!!!!!!!

Pin Press with Chains - 100 lbs., plus 50 lbs., of Chains, 7 sets of 3.
Dumbbell Triceps Rollbacks - 20 lbs., 25 lbs., 20 lbs(3 sets) all sets of 8.
Facedown Lying Laterals - 10 lbs., 3 sets of 10. (We used a heavier weight for a first set, but, Brian wasn't happy with the form, so we went to lighter weight....That's also why we went back down in Rollbacks)
Shoulder Horn - 8 lbs., 3 sets of 15.
Chops - 30 lbs., 3 sets of 12, each side.

<3 Stretching <3

Pain in the #@#$%

Well, Side Bends didn't work so well today. I really don't understand what changes from one week to the next to make some of these exercises work and then all of a sudden not work. We ended up with something that seemed to work for today. We used the floor cables instead of the high cables. But, who knows about next week. It's all about leverages & strapping & foot placement. It takes more of a brain to train me than most people realize. But, Brian said let him think about it for a bit, so I'm sure if the low cables don't work out next week, he'll have something else to try.

Low Rows - 70 lbs., 12. 80 lbs., 90 lbs., 100 lbs., 90 lbs., 6 for all. (Well, really 5 1/2 on 100 lbs.)
Cable Iron Cross - 30 lbs., 10. 40 lbs., 8. 30 lbs., 10.
Chinups - 4 sets of 10.
Biceps Curls - 15 lbs., 3 sets of 12.
Side Bends - we did about 4 sets total, all different ways. Most of them were sets of 15.

<3 Stretching <3

Monday = Weak Day

Atleast for the next few weeks it does!!!! Mondays is going to be a love/hate bittersweet relationship for a while. We are working on JM Presses to bring up my triceps strength & it was pretty hard. We also re-worked back raises, which I'm also weak at, but, it went better than when we first tried them.

Competition bench w/ 75 lbs. of Chains - 95 lbs., 105 lbs., 115 lbs., 110 (2 sets) all for 4.

Cambered Bar JM Presses - 65 lbs., 75 lbs., 85 lbs., 95 lbs., all for 6. I did these with a safety squat bar at the Seminar last weekend. I was very weak and Shane highly recommended me to start doing them. He said they could bring up my bench very quickly. But Brian doesn't have a safety squat bar. We tried them last week with a regular bar, but, it was too much thinking & I had a little bit of a rough time getting the concept. So, he came up with the idea of using the cambered bar!!!!!! Worked super well, in my opinion.

Shrugs - 95 lbs., 3 sets of 12. <3 My saving grace of this cycle! <3

Back Raises - 5 sets of 5. I hung off the end of a decline bench. The leverage was much better and I was able to get myself much higher because my legs were on a downward slant. They didn't seem as hard. And as of currently, I don't have any broken blood vessels in my face :) SO! I think we hit a jackpot. I'll know for certain in the morning.

<3 Stretching <3

Using chains twice a week is really gonna help me with stability. I swayed a lot to the right today. But, every time I felt it, I tried to squeeze myself tighter. So, it's gonna be good.

All this Monday stuff is gonna help me improve. You're only as strong as your weakest link. So, working on the weaknesses can only make me better.

Bigger & Bigger

Last night I went to Pittsburgh to accept the Second Wind Award from the National Italian American Sports Hall of Fame. The Pittsburgh chapter was started by DDan Marin, Sr., and this was it's 25th year of having a scholarship/awards banquet. Igot my picture taken with Dan Marino (the Miami Dolphins Dan Marino), Bruno SanMartino (the wrestler) & John Rosato (a football coach for 25 years at Duquesne). It was really an awesome night. I made a lot of great connections of people who are willing to help out with supporting my training needs. The dinner was wonderful. Everyone was very cordial and pleased to meet me.

This dream of mine just keeps expanding and getting bigger and bigger.

Bruno was a super fantastic guy. He said to me "I set a world record in bench press in the 1950's, benching 565 lbs. with a two-second pause." This guy is my hero for specifying the two-second pause. I'm the only one I know that does that. I think it's fantastic that he was so strict in his sport to be able to become that strong.

Today's Numbers:
Cambered Bar Rows - 65 lbs., 12. 85 lbs., 95 lbs., 85 lbs., sets of 8.
Single-Arm Dumbbell Rows - 35 lbs., 40 lbs., 45 lbs., sets of 8, each arm.
Pullovers - 35 lbs., 40 lbs., 45 lbs., setse of 12.

<3 Stretching <3

I'm not sure if I made note of it in my blog when we started to stretch differently but I've been laying over a decline bench and hanging my legs for Brian to stretch me. We started that a few months back. When I came home from my meet, I didn't have near the trouble with spasms that I normally do when I'm away for that long, not being stretched. I had spasms that woke me up pretty early in the morning, but they weren't continuous all night. I've had less and less spasms since then. I didn't have any trouble when I went to Cincinatti last weekend. I felt pretty tight when I came back but no spasms. And the last couple of weeks, there hasn't been but maybe a twinge of pain in my hip when Brian stretches me. Certain positions will cause a couple of spasms here and there, but, not anything close to what they used to be. I think the traction must have done some serious good for something that maybe was pinched or not in place or something. There's a spot on my lower back that was hurting quite a bit for some time, but even that isn't as bad as it was. It's still awfully tight, and when Brian twists far enough, he can get a reaction from me, but it's taking him twisting farther before the reaction. The only thing left is the hump by the right side of my rib cage, because I've sat crooked due to my scoliosis. But, we've been working on that, and I really believe that it will get better too :) We just keep coming up with bigger and better ideas and ways...just like the rest of my journey!

Little Behind.

I completely forgot to blog on Wednesday. Sorry guys. I have been sick with a sinus infection & I've been trying to stay caught up on things at home. Only went to one appointment on Tuesday and one on Thursday. I was home the rest of the day, trying to get better. I'm on the mend. Have coughing jags at times but I'm able to breathe out of my nose now! YIPEE! haha. So, here are the numbers from Wednesday and Friday.

Wednesday:
Low-Rows - 60 lbs., 12. 70 lbs., 80 lbs., 90 lbs., 6. 83 lbs., 6.
Cable Iron Cross - 30 lbs., 4 sets of 10.
Chinups - 3 sets of 10.
Cable Side Bends - 50 lbs. I have no idea how many reps. It's the first time we tried them, I think. Either that or it's been months since we did them. So, I just went till I was tired. It was probably aroun 15 reps. And we did each side like 3 times.
Curls - 15 lbs., 2 sets of 12. 1 set of 11.

Friday:
Pin Press w/ Chains - 90 lbs., w/ 50 lbs., of chains, 6 sets of 3.
Dumbbell Triceps Extensions - 15 lbs., 10. 30 lbs., 5 sets of 10.
Facedown Lying Laterals - 15 lbs., 10. 20 lbs., 2 sets of 10.
Shoulder Horn - 8 lbs., 3 sets of 15.
Chops - 20 lbs., 12 each side. 30 lbs., 12 each side.

<3 Stretching <3

I'm doing a Tastefully Simple fundraiser right now. Taking orders until the 18th of April. Then April 29th & 30th I'm having a chinese auction at Springtime in the Village in Columbiana. I'm going to accept the Second Wind Award from the American Italian Association Sports Hall of Fame, tomorrow in Pittsburgh. And I should find out next week if I got my Challenged Athletes Grant. Thanks to my sponsors who responded to me again this year with your donations. It's greatly appreciated!!!!!!

Link

IIIIIII forgot to add the youtube link for my 185 lb lift!!!!!!!!!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oLO-FInFIg8

SweattShop

This weekend was absolutely incredible. I got to talk to, ask questions to, and lift with 3 world record holding female lifters plus one of their trainer's. It was amazing. The seminar was held at the Sweatt Shop in Cincinnati, by Laura Phelps Sweatt and her trainer/husband Shane Sweatt. Amy Weisberger was there and so was Kara Bohigian. I promise if you google any of them, you will surely be impressed. They all came out of Westside Barbell...and we had some Westside guys to spot and critique us as well.

They were such great people!!!!! Very supportive and encouraging. Very down to earth. They said my bench setup & technique is perfect!!!! (Hmmmm......where have I heard that before?!?!?!) AND they DID NOT have to tell me to 'just go do it' because I just went and did it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hit a PR of 185 lbs. yesterday when we benched!!!!!!!!!! It was SO amazing!!!!! It was smooth and clean and I'm sure it would have counted. I held it long enough, and I didn't even feel like I truly maxed out. I don't think I could have done any more that would be passable in Paralympics but I do think I could have gotten more up in the air :-) Everything they suggested as far as training programming goes, Brian has already done with me and it's on the list to circle back around to. They did come up with some good suggestions for new exercises for me to try.

Today I have a sinus infection and Brian wanted to wait to see what I came back with before he started a cycle with me. So, we tried a couple of the suggested exercises and we mostly talked. It was a great day :-) I love days like today. It's not reasonable to expect them very often because we hardly lifted a thing...but, I'll definitely take them when I can get them. Brian got on a roll explaining training methods to me and this, that and the other, and I think he probably talked for 40 minutes or more.

Even though I've always blogged that I love those days, something in me particularly appreciated today. I think it's because I was down with the best this weekend and they told me everything that Brian has told me 1,000 times. It kind of re-opened my eyes to appreciate what I have backing me up. When I was benching and they were talking about my arch and my form, I told them I've been with Brian a year and a half and they said "That's amazing. That's not very long." I told them, he's the best and should be down there with all of them. They told me to make sure I bring him next time. So, it gave me an even deeper respect and appreciation to listen to Brian as he spoke and explained things today.

Wednesday will be back on track with a cycle starting. Today the diet started back up. Oh, the competition life!!!

Perfect Timing

I'm headed to Cincinnati this weekend to an all-women's powerlifting seminar, headed by Laura Phelps Sweatt. Youtube her and you'll be impressed. :-) She's one of the best in the world. This comes at a great time for me to really get in my head about my technique and lifting abilities to get prepared for my next competition. Not to mention having some female interaction about the sport....which I think I'm more in need of than I realized. I'm getting picked up by one of my powerlifting Facebook friends tonight and I'll be back Sunday sometime later. It should be a really great weekend. I'm looking forward to it very much.

I also have been wanting to have a chinese auction for a fundraiser but didn't have an even to hold it at. So, I was searching around for a place that would allow me to have some kind of fundraiser for a cheaper rent. I called Columbiana Chamber of Commerce and found out that the Springtime in the Village is coming at the end of the month and the Village is allowing the merchants to set up a table for free!!!!!!!

God has such perfect timing when we wait on Him.

Today went well, I think. I felt kind of unsteady. But, Brian said it look great and it didn't look unsteady most of the time. It felt good...it wasn't heavy and I was engaging my lats a lot more than usual. I think I felt unsteady because I am still getting back into my groove. But, it still felt good. I still think too much. But, I'm working on that too. I think I'm making progress in that area as well.

Competition Bench - 115 lbs., and 135 lbs., I don't know how many sets we did. I did about 5 per set....we'll say 8 sets?
Flys - 20 lbs., 4 sets of 12.
Dumbbell Triceps Extensions - 15 lbs., 3 sets of 12.

<3 Stretching <3

I'll be benching Sunday in Cincinnati. I'll blog Monday after I train with Brian again.

Connection

I wasn't in a fantastic mental way when I arrived at the gym. I was a little late and it really bothers me when I'm not on time. And it was because my stomach wasn't doing so well, and that always rises my emotions to bubbling just under the surface. After I got in the basement and put my bag down, I was on my way to my usual stretching spot and Brian winked at me and did a quick grin. I took a deep breath and the bubbling under the surface simmered down. :-)

He strapped me odd on Cable Rows because it's been a while since we did them and neither of us really remembered exactly how we used to do it. But, he 'pulled up a seat' on an exercise ball right next to me while I was doing my sets, so nothing could go wrong, even though it felt awkward.

The last exercise we did, we've never done before. It was an experiment. While he was strapping me, I felt pretty unstable and grabbed for his arm a couple of times. He looked up at me and gave me a look like he was kind of taken aback. He said "Wow. I haven't seen THAT look of nervousness for a long time." As soon as he acknowledged it, I was able to make a comment and talk about it, and it went away. Then I actually was able to enjoy the experimentation. And I even came up with an easier way of doing it so that we can continue to do it in the future.

I love days like this. It's a solid friendly reminder that we are a team. We're a small team, but, a team nonetheless. It's my favorite kind of day. There aren't many days like this when we're in the competition mode. It's too tense and I am too spastic. haha. But, it's awesome when we get a little break and just get to relax and mess around with stuff instead of having a structure.

Cable Rows - 130 lbs., 12. 140 lbs., 12. Then we went back to 130 lbs., for 3 sets of 10, and Brian had me focus on squeezing my lats and tucking my elbows and holding it for a second before the next rep.
Cable Iron Cross - 90 lbs., 4 sets of 12.
(Experiment) Single-Arm Sidways Pulldown - These made me real nervous because there was nothing to my back. But, I really felt them and really loved the exercise. Brian put me on the preacher curl bench but took out the pad that you put your arms over. Then he put a couple of folded over floor mats over the metal where the pad usually goes in for me to lean over and I reached up over my head for the cable and pulled down. He wasn't going to have me keep doing them because he didnt know how to get me turned around with out unstrapping me and taking most of our time to set me up for each side, but, i pulled my chair over and leaned on it for the other side and it seemed to work out just fine :-) I really like them even though they made me nervous. I love when we find more things to do. :-)

<3 Stretching <3

Sharpened Senses

Last week, Brian said that before my meet someone said he should put 185 lbs on my bar. He said I am strong enough, but he couldn't put 185 lbs. on my bar cuz I'm not ready for it. Yesterday when we were chatting with Wade, I said "You never tell me what is on my bar anyway. Why can't you throw 185 on without telling me." He grinned and said "What happened when I put 180 on?" It stapled me. He said "I can't fool you. Especially you. You can feel how much weight is on, even when you don't know." I had never really thought about it before. But, it's kind of like a blind person who's other senses get sharper because they can't see. Because I can't feel my legs, I have other senses that are more in tune with me than the average joe. I'm also more in tune with myself mentally, a lot of times. I just have to stop being afraid of it. When I realize that I'm thinking something mentally that I shouldn't...self-doubting thoughts, etc...I need to get rid of them instead of consciously thinking them and worrying about them.

Today was a good start to transitioning back into a cycle. Felt good, although, I'm going to be sore tomorrow. But, I love that :-) Going for cardio a few times this week to get back into that groove. Then heading to Cincinatti for the weekend for a powerlifting seminar. Should be a great time. The woman putting it on is Laura Phelps-Sweatt. Brian said she's one of the best in the world. He said she's only like the 5th woman to bench 500 lbs., equipped. So, it should be very educational for me.

Reverse Band Press - 185 lbs., 5 sets of 8. (my second set was actually for 10.)
Inclined Dumbbell Press - 35 lbs., 12. 40 lbs., 2 sets of 10.
Inclined Dumbbell Triceps Extensions - 15 lbs., 3 sets of 12.

<3 Stretching <3

Self-Confidence

Bonus Blog!!

Something bothered me as soon as I published the last post. So, I wanted to clarify. Self-confidence (and lack thereof) is a funny thing. The fact that it helps me to hear from other people that my form is great doesn't have anything to do with me doubting Brian, in the least bit. It has to do with me doubting myself. When you don't have a good self-esteem, as soon as someone pays you a compliment, 15 things run through your head about yourself that the other person doesn't know..."And if they did, they wouldn't feel the same." There's not much of anything about me that Brian doesn't know....but, it's still hard for me to believe good things about myself. All the things that change from being on the gym bench to being on the competition bench flash through my mind when he says that because I have myself convinced that they all screw with my form. THAT is why Brian tells me to stop thinking and just go do it. Because if I'm really secure in what I'm doing, it will NOT screw with my form THAT much. I won't be perfect every single time. But, thinking about everything that could go wrong before I leave because the setups are different, pretty much ensures that all of those things will go wrong when I get there...hence last weekend. I just have to learn to believe in myself. Period. End of conversation.

New Eyes

Wade came to talk to Brian and I about my benching today. Wade weighs somewhere close to 340 lbs. and he benches well over 500 lbs. I did a bar set and then a set of 95 lbs. The verdict was everything I ever expected it to be. My trainer has missed nothing and I just have to go do it.

I've said for a year and a half that Brian is the best of the best. He's followed the best until it has made him the best right along with them. That's what kind of made me sad about our conversation on Friday, because I could tell that he analyzed my lifts as much as I did, trying to figure out what he can do to get me better prepared, even mentally, next time. But, it's not his issue. It's mine. After watching me today, Wade said my technique is absolutely perfect. There's nothing more to add. After talking to Brian about suggestions that he had, Brian checked each one off the list as already having it on the list and trying it with me. He's covered everything. He's taught me everything. There are still a few lat concepts that sometimes I struggle with, but, it's still my issue. He's given me the information. I just have to make my brain click with it.

Wade made some suggestions about loosening up my pec minors, and we do that...he made some other suggestions and Brian said "Wade, we treat her royal(i think that's the word he used). She gets massages once a week and gets stretched every day and gets a diet and trains 4 days a week. And she still emails me 10 times a day!" We laughed and Wade said "Did you tell him, that's what Olympians get?" .....Wade said seriously that there really isn't anything he can think of that Brian hasn't thought of already. Then, I started to feel kinda down on myself when we were wrapping up and Brian was stretching me. I started to think "It's such a shame that I have all this knowledge and dedication from a trainer at my finger tips and I just can't get the job done when it comes down to crunch time." Brian went upstairs and Wade and I talked for a few more minutes and he said something in a way that it hasn't been said to me yet. Brian tells me A LOT that I haven't been doing this all that long so I just need to give myself some time. But as Wade and I were talking, he said "Were you in sports when you were growing up?" And I wasn't. I dind't really have that much of an opportunity to do so. Wade said "Well, then I really understand what you're saying about not knowing how to muster up your aggression and knowing how to use your emotions. I've been playing football since I was 6 years old. So, I've had a lot of practice at getting mentally focused because It's been so long. If you've never competed before, you're learning a whole new ball game. Competition is a whole other mental game."

That made a lot of sense to me; and also made me feel a lot better about believing that I WILL figure out how to take all this knowledge and dedication from my trainer, and from myself, and turn it all into motivation to help me perform at crunch time. I didn't hear anything today that I haven't heard before and Brian grinned at me the whole time Wade talked because he's the one that has said every bit of it to me for over a year and a half (well, except that he's the best of the best....but, he is because he doesn't think he is). But, we both know that I'm an extremely habitual, repetitive person..and I think it really helped me to hear it from someone new. And next week when I go to Cincinatti, I'll probably hear it again from them...the more I hear it, the more I'll be able to get a grip on it and use it. .....I think a little bit of that is, even though I've always said Brian is the best of the best, sometimes you don't REALLY realize how good you have it. So, he could tell me all day long how ready I am, and it isn't that I don't believe him, but I get used to hearing it from him...but to hear it from other objective people that are also the best of the best kinda opens my eyes to realizing that I have it more together than I think I do.

It'll happen. Brian and I are the perfect fit for the job. I might be a little behind him in producing results, but, I don't give up until it happens and is done right. Everything has clicked to this point. It'll click again. Wade even said today that all it's gonna take is one meet. I'll get all three lifts and feel like I have a ton left over and wonder why I didn't go for more.

False Evidence Appearing Real.

For most of my life I have fought two very potent 'invisible demons'. 1) That I'm inferior because my legs don't work, and have to have someone with me all the time. 2) That I'm not worth having friends and anyone who starts out being my friend will eventually figure it out and end up not being. They might still love me & help me when I need it, but, won't end up being my hang-out buddy.

These two beliefs have haunted me to the point that I was so terrified of them that I actually created the situations, myself, to make them happen. I've always heard that what you're afraid of is what comes true, but, I guess I couldn't fully see my role in how I was making it occur because it seemed to have so much to do with other people's choices.

Then I very quickly became haunted with two more fears that seemed to grow at 10 times the speed of the others that were produced over the course of my life. 1) That I would never be able to keep the same trainer. 2) That I wasn't good enough on my own to make it to the Paralympics...no matter how badly I wanted it.

It took me until about 2 weeks ago to ACTUALLY believe, in my heart, that Brian wasn't going away...as my trainer or my friend. Two weeks ago, Brian and I had a conversation, and he said this: "We are close friends. I AM going to get real mad at you sometimes, but, I'm always going to train you and be your friend." When he said that to me, it not only helped me in OUR training relationship/friendship, but, it re-inserted a lot of emotional connections to a lot of people in my life. I suddenly realized that I have been cutting a lot of people short for a lot of my life, by saying that everyone leaves me. Everyone doesn't leave me. I emotionally disconnect myself out of fear...then it appears to me as though they don't want me around. I had to actually be told, through a time of turmoil, that someone wasn't leaving just because there was some turmoil.

When I realized that I was worth it to Brian to stay and train me and be my friend, I also realized that I have worth as a human being and I'm not defined as my chair. I've fought all my life to prove that to everyone...when really I was the one that didn't believe it. Yesterday Brian said to me "You're putting limitations on yourself, so how is everyone else not supposed to?" The realization of this fear came out of nowhere this week. I had no idea that I really never gave myself my own identity, because it's just been the way I grew up. All kinds of people talk over my head when I have someone else with me, as if I can't answer questions or have conversations because I'm in a wheelchair.

It's taken Brian staying with me and his acknowledging and verbalizing that he's staying with me for me to realize that I very definitely could be okay on my own.

Last weekend's last lift was missed purely and simply for mental reasons. I have been afraid to press my heaviest lifts without Brian there. Up until this point there have been various physical things that we've had to work on to get my technique right. But, there's just no getting around last weekend. I started to press, and my body just gave up. It just stopped. It was afraid it couldn't, so it just didn't. I couldn't have asked for a better training cycle or for better results from a training cycle than this last one. I just simply didn't hold up my end of the bargain when it came down to crunch time.

Brian and I talked a long time about it yesterday. I felt bad because it sounded like he's really mulled it over as much as I have about what HE could have done differently to help me out. But there isn't anything. He did it all. He covered all the bases. Even the metnal ones, as much as he could. But, it's my brain. And I'm the only one that can change what is in it. He helps a great deal. A GREAT deal. But, it's up to me if I'm going to accept what he says and does to help get me prepared or if I'm going to keep clinging to the past.

Brian's incredible. He relates to me better than I relate to myself. He listens, and he acknowledges my feelings. But, in the end there's not really an answer for him to give besides to just go do it. There are a lot more words involved than that...very colorful at times, too ;-) But all are very warranted and needed. And at the end, he stands up and either gives me hug or winks at me. It's like a compassionate, hard-core swift kick in the rear, with an encouraging "I know you can do it" all wrapped in one. And I know that he believes that I'll figure out how to do it. He knows just in the short year and a half that we've trained that I figure out how to do anything when I want it. And I know that I want this more than I've ever wanted anything ever in my life.

All my life I've conquered what other people told me I couldn't. Now it's me that stands in my way saying I can't, while simultaneously trying to say I can. I just have to figure out how it is I can override the I can't with the I can.

If you haven't figured out the acronym in the title, it's FEAR. And that's exactly what fear is. False Evidence Appearing Real. I realize that for the first time in my life. I've always felt very validated in my fears...until last weekend. I absolutely unequivocally should have had my last lift, and then some.

It'll be okay. I know it will. Because I refuse to have it any other way. And so does Brian. Even yesterday as we were discussing that it was me being mental, he kept using the word "we" when talking about the problem and how to fix it. He's with me no matter what...even when it isn't his problem. And so are a whole lot of other people. I'll figure this out on my own because I have to. There aren't any other options.....but I know I'm not ever alone in it. I just have to stop being so afraid of myself.

It's back to work again tomorrow. Finally. It was a long week. I needed the time off. I sorted a lot of stuff out. But, I'm so glad it's time to go back. We're gonna make a couple changes in the weight room. We're gonna mess around with my rack height a little. And Brian said he's going to start letting other people lift off sometimes when I'm benching, to get me away from relying on him being right there. My goal for June is 85 kgs. That's 187 lbs. And I'm gonna do it. Some way, some how, come hell or high water....I'm gonna do it. I have 10 weeks to train. On your mark. Get set. Go.