Commencement.

Commencement means an act or instance of commencing; beginning.
Commencing means to begin or start.

Today when I benched, I didn't do the reps that I wanted to or that I thought I should be able to do. I asked Brian how much it was, on my heaviest set. He said it was 165. It was a double. I felt the tinge of disgust with myself that usually evolves into complete frustration. Then Brian continued to talk. He explained to me (as he has done about a million times) how when I do reps, I accelerate on the way up, trying to be as explosive as I can be; but when I do that, it the bar starts to teeter cuz I can't push down with anything to stabilize & counteract the speed. So, on my second rep, when I start down, I'm crooked from trying to control the bar. When I'm crooked, I don't place the bar right. Then my elbows and triceps and lats are not in the correct position to get the bar back up with the ease that it should be and I end up fighting it out, and using up a whole lot of energy that I wouldn't use if I was in the correct form.

Today, (Finally), as Brian explained it to me, I gave myself a reprieve. It isn't that my strength diminishes one day and returns by the end of the week. It depends upon the amount of reps we do and if I'm actually doing the first one the way that I should, by being explosive, it throws me off for the reps to follow. I finally got it. So, just because I got 165 for only a double, doesn't mean I can't do 185. It doesn't mean that 170 should feel like a max. It shouldn't. With one single rep, it would be absolutely rock solid like it was supposed to be. Today I 'got it'. Today, I 'commenced' a new line of thinking. I'm not upset tonight about my workout. I don't need to worry about it for next week or the following weeks as I prepare for my next competition. It's simply a technicality that I have always known was there, but couldn't understand until I heard it over and over and finally the right words were all put together in the right way and the lightbulb went off.

Competition Bench - 140 lbs., 150 lbs., 160 lbs., 165 lbs., 155 lbs., all for 2. Then 2 negatives with 185 lbs., (meaning, I come down real slow and pause it, then Brian takes it, I don't push it back up).

Dumbell Military Press - 30 lb.s, 35 lbs., 40 lbs., 35 lbs., all for 6. (Had a big issue with stability with these today. Brian had to hold me from the front even after he strapped me)

SkullCrushers - 45 lbs., 55 lbs., 65 lbs., 55 lbs., all for 6.

Chops - 30 lbs., 3 sets of 15 on each side.

<3 Stretching <3 (Was pretty tight today. :-/ Hopefully tomorrow is better).

Tonight was College Commencement. Mom, Dad, Grandpa, Brother, Nephew & Brian and family came :-) It was super. My hands shook a little while I was holding my paper, but, my voice stayed strong. ;-) I realized something tonight though, I don't get nervous until the middle. When I'm in the middle of it, something in my brain goes "Crap. This is pretty big." .....I did that when I was giving my speech for Brian too. I'm wondering if there's a connection with my competitions, feeling like I'm okay and then somewhere in the middle getting nervous and missing my last lift.....something to ponder. Just not sure what to do about it :-P