"Under the Bar"

I had a couple lessons today. I don't know whether to say I 'learned' them or not. Each time I think I have, I end up forgetting them and having to start over.

I'm reading a book by Dave Tate right now called "Under the Bar." He says that whatever you're like "under the bar" is how you will be in life. And he couldn't be more right. I can't let bad lifts go under the bar and I can't let bad days go in life. I blame myself for any and all bad lifts and I blame myself for any and all things that go wrong in my life (or that I perceive are going wrong). I have the hardest time forgiving myself for bad lifts, and I have an even harder time forgiving myself for screwing up in life. And then I make it worse by projecting that on to others, feeling like they won't forgive me, because I can't forgive myself. Hindsight is always 20/20, huh?

I'm going out of town this weekend. Brian had an opening tomorrow morning, so I'm training early and taking off. So, I will post my numbers for you all in my blog post on Monday because I'm not getting on any of my personal pages this weekend. I need distracted and to chill out. Big time.

Say a tiny prayer that things return to normal on Monday. That it is not only a new week, and a new year, but hopefully a new beginning...that the slate can be wiped clean and I can start all over.

Today I got in my car to go to my massage. I paid my toll and kept out the rest of the change to pay on the way home. I pulled into massage 15 minutes early and counted the change and I was a dime short. I panicked and didn't understand how that happened because I always get the exact amount from the bank for each month that I will need. I scrounged up 9 cents that I found around my car and laying in the bottom of my purse. I was a penny short. And really was not sure what to do. I concluded that I would ask my massotherapist, cuz after all, it's just a penny. I opened my car door, unloaded my chair and as I was transferring I looked down. There was a dime on the ground right under my feet. ...God's got my back. I'm hoping it was my sign that things are gonna turn out A-OK. I've just gotta learn to remember my lessons and keep hold of them so I can stop screwing up.

There's just another bump in the road of my journey, that you've all wanted to follow. Hope it speaks to someone.

Everyone have a safe and happy holiday weekend.