I Get On My Knees

There's a quote by Abe Lincoln that fits well today: "I have been driven many times to my knees by the overwhelming conviction that I had nowhere else to go. My own wisdom, and that of all about me seemed insufficient for the day."

There have been many times in my life that I thought I had reached the end of my rope. There have been times that I couldn't imagine feeling any more lonely, or any more hopeless, or any more hurt, or any more scared...you get the picture.

The question about being driven to your knees is this: Did you get back up by your own power? Or did you let God meet you there and help you back up? There's a song by Carrie Underwood that says "Jesus take the wheel. Take it from my hands cuz I can't do this on my own. I'm letting go. So give me one more chance. Save me from this road I'm on. Jesus take the wheel." There have been many times in my life that I've been driven to my knees. I thought I had reached the end of my rope. I thought I couldn't feel any more lonely, any more hopeless, any more hurt, any more scared...you get the picture. But...I've always found a way...ON MY OWN...to fix or patch or continue forward. I've cried out in desperation, but, I've always either been too impatient to wait for God to take care of it or I've felt like I would let God down if I needed help and couldn't take care of it myself. I never REALLY gave it over. I've always found something in me to get back up without taking God's hand and letting Him lead me. Until recently.

I finally found something that means more to me than anything else has ever in my life. And I finally realized that I have absolutely no control over any of it. At all. No part of it whatsoever. When I actually thought about that, instead of just agreeing with someone who said it, that it scared me more than I've ever been in my life. And then...I got on my knees. And I found out what it's really like to cry out to God and to let Him take over. And then...I spoke in tongues for the first time since my relationship with God started 11 years ago. It was pretty amazing. I actually felt Him there, instead of feeling like I was talking to the walls. And for the first time, I admitted my most vulnerable feelings in my heart to myself without someone physically there to hug me or tell me that it'd be okay. It was scary and awesome all at the same time. A truly indescribable experience. I laid there for a while. And then it actually felt like someone put a hand under my arm to help me up into bed. And I knew everything would be okay...and that I didn't have to do anything to make it okay. That was a pretty freeing feeling also.

There is another song called "On My Knees" by Jaci Velasquez. The last time she sings the chorus, she adds a few extra words. It says "See I don't know how but there's power, in the blue skies, when I'm on my knees."

The conclusion of my evening was this. I will make it to the Paralympics. I will make it training in this gym with My Trainer. And I don't have to make it happen. I have to let it happen. And I'm not alone...not physically nor spiritually. :-)

Friday's lift didn't go very well cuz I hadn't slept from spasms and was really feeling icky from my ear infections. I don't have numbers and we didn't do a lot. I just know that I bombed 180. But I did 2 singles of 170. Today went very well :-) Brian had to move his knees out wider on my back because I have a bruise, but it ended up working out really well and I think I'll have him do it that way from now on when I do rows. He strapped me down VERY well on pullovers and I didn't move at all. Light weight cuz of deloading for competition. I leave on Thursday and I'll report in sometime over the weekend. I weigh in on Saturday at 8:30 and lifting starts at 10:30. Thank you all for your prayers and please continue.