Psshhh......It Happens.

Monday I benched the same reps/same weight for the third week in a row, because I just couldn't get anymore. That has not happened, ever in my recollection, since I started working out last June. After I got really upset about it as I left the gym, I went to my aunt's house and we completely dissected my entire bench routine/technique/form, everything. Everything kept coming back to my elbow hurting for the passed couple of months. I've been praying, and thinking, and believing it was muscular, so that Jack could fix it, but it isn't getting any better. Not really worsening, but not getting any better. So yesterday I went to the doctor and he said I have triceptal something or other tendinitis. Not supposed to work out for 2-3 weeks.

The thing I've heard most since I started this journey, from everyone, no matter the background, is "It's all mental." The one thing I struggle with the most in life is believing so much for something and then it doesn't happen. And I truly believed it would happen. And what makes that even worse is to then feel like everyone is staring at you telling you if you would have believed just a little bit harder, it would have happened.

I've decided over the past couple of days that I no longer agree with that theory. And, if I'm the lone ranger in the world, then sobeit. As it was finally put to me this weekend by a good friend "If it was all mental, we could fill our gas tanks up while we were inside our house." The same friend is a farmer, and he told me a story last night about going out and planting all the seeds for their crops and tilling the ground...doing all the same time, and effort, as always, and then one year there would be a drought, and it felt like "Well, all that time wasted." He asked me "Who's fault is that? Is it God's fault?" And of course it isn't. It just happens. There are cycles and laws of life and nature that just happen. And if you don't get rain exactly when you need to, for some crops more importantly than others, then you don't get the harvest that you put the time in to get. It wasn't because he believed there was going to be a drought that year. He believed he'd get a good crop like always. But nature takes it's course. If you jump off the Empire State building, you're not going to fly....you will smack into the concrete below. It's the law of gravity. It just will happen. Period. Nobody's fault, it just is what it is.

I'm now off to my second competition in less than a week and I'm not allowed to work out from now till then. So, when I come back, I will be at under 155 lbs., for a competition lift, just like now. That's more than 70 lbs. below where I need to be in order to qualify for the World's team in September. I do believe in the importance of the mental game. If you think you can't, chances are you won't. But just b/c you think you can doesn't always mean that you will.

Sometimes we get so caught up in self-help/positive thinking/faith/whatever you want to call it, that we forget that God gave us brains to use. My elbow isn't going to get better just because I 'believe' that it's going to. Perhaps some things might. There is a time and a place for that kind of thinking. It is definitely at least a 50/50 deal, even a 65/35 deal, but it isn't "all" mental. There are definitely times to work through the pain and not let it stop you, and I have not let it stop me to this point. I have simply worked through it and go to Jack on the weekends. There's only been one day that I ever did less reps because of the pain. Adam runs with a sore foot all the time. But, if Adam loses a foot, he still has 3 limbs to spare. If Chelsi loses an elbow, she's kinda done for in pushing her chair around or lifting herself from place to place. Sometimes thinking positively is being okay that things aren't going exactly how you'd like them to but not letting that stop you from taking another direction.

So, I'm staring adversity in the face, and I've decided that it's just as important for me to be okay if I don't qualify in September as it is for me to believe that I will qualify in September. I'm not giving up and saying that I won't make it. I'm saving myself from having a breakdown and not wanting to go on if I don't make it. As unexplainably as I didn't get my lifts in Michigan, I could absolutely come home from Oklahoma and make my biggest gains in weight yet. "Sports are like that" Adam says. And it absolutely could happen. And maybe it won't. And I want to make sure that I'm okay with whatever does actually happen.

LeBron James didn't shake hands with the Orlando Magic after his last playoff game last week. After finding out yesterday that I shouldn't work out for a while, I became a little less upset with the fact that he didn't. I don't think he didn't because he was being arrogant or because he thinks he's better than everyone or because he was snubbing anyone. I don't believe he was thinking about anything but himself and how close he came and now he didn't have it. It's hard to "enjoy the journey" as my dad says all the time, when you're striving so hard for an end result that doesn't happen. Striving for the end result is what makes you competitive to get that far...but then it seems that no one wants you to be upset when it doesn't happen. I'm trying to find that balance. I don't ever want to be LeBron James to Adam. Every day I write on my routine sheet "Thank You, Captain.", meaning Adam, when I'm done w/ my workout. I don't ever want to find a day that I don't want to say thank you because I'm too upset. One time when I was trying to lose weight I had lost about 20 lbs, but started to gain some back. My brother was talking to me one night and said "Nothing can ever change that you lost that 20 lbs. You still achieved that, no matter what weight you gain back." And I always want to remember the lessons I've learned and how far Adam has helped me get, even if I don't make qualifying weight and I have to be in the 2016 Paralympics, instead of 2012. I'm not giving up my dream. I'm saying, it might not happen when I wanted it to, and it's nobody's fault. I always want to remember how far I came in my first year of lifting and I always want to be able to say to Adam "Thank you for being here", and mean every single word of it as I say it (or write it). Adam has already told me, more than once, "No matter what happens, this is an accomplishment in and of itself." And he's right. Nothing changes that, win or lose, I've done more to this point than I ever would have thought of doing before...including travelling this much.

Sorry this was so long. I hope you all got something out of it. I'm not giving up. I'm empowering myself to continue, no matter what. I've heard lots of people say "No one ever remembers the losers."(the big athletes, the guys that go to Superbowls or World Series, etc) And I can now say that they obviously weren't doing it for themselves....and whole-heartedly be able to say that I now am doing it simply for myself. I want to do it, I love it, I have fun, and no matter the outcome, I will continue for as long as my body will allow me to continue. There will be some disappointments, and I'm sure I will be upset about them. But nothing will stop me from continuing through the disappointments.

I have a new focus song for Oklahoma. It will explain my title. It's by Sugarland:

Missed my alarm clock ringing. Woke up telephone screaming, boss man singing his same old song. Rolled in late about an hour. No cup of coffee, no shower, walk of shame with two different shoes on. Now it's poor me, why me, oh me, boring. The same old worn out blah blah story. There is no good explanation for it at all. Ain't no rhyme or reason, no complicated meaning. Ain't no need to over think i, let go laughing. Life don't go quite like you planned it. We try so hard to understand it. The irrefutable, indisputable fact is, Psssh.....It happens. My trusty-rusty had a flat, I borrowed my neighbors Cadillac. "I'll be right back," going down to Wally World. That yellow light turned red too quickly, knew that the truck moment it hit me, out stepped my ex and his new girl ("Sorry 'bout your neck baby"). But it's poor me, why me, oh me, boring. The same old worn out blah blah story. There is no good explanation for it at all. Ain't no rhyme or reason. No complicated meaning. Ain't no need to over think it, let go laughing. Life don't go quite like you planned it. We try so hard to understand it, the irrefutable, indisputable fact is, Psssh......It happens. Ain't no rhyme or reason. No complicated meaning. Ain't no need to over think it, let go laughing. Life don't go quite like you planned it. We try so hard to understand it. The irrefutable, indisputable fact is, Psssh......It happens. Yeah, the irrefutable, indisputable, absoluteable, totally beautiful fact is Psssh........It happens.

I'll be back after competition. I lift on Friday, June 12th. I'll be home from Oklahoma Saturday, June 13th.