Guardian Angel

So, I have this guardian angel. He's about medium height, bald head. He does single-arm back rows w/ 100 lb. dumbbells (which is unbelievably inspiring to me). He is old-hat at the tough guy routine...but is really just a big teddy bear. He has the biggest heart of anyone I've ever met. He watches out for me and protects me on a daily basis...near or far. He's always most interested in what's best for me. And, in just a few short months, he knows how to pick out the stuff that means the most to me in life. I know you all think I talk to much for anyone to not know what's important to me....but you're wrong. I'm extra quiet about what I really wish for in life.

Most people take the intentions of my expressed gratitude for certain people in my life in a very wrong way. But, anyone I've ever been overly verbally expressive about has just simply given me something in life that most of you take for granted on a daily basis...in some way treated me 'normal' that most people don't do.

Brian takes the cake. Brian observes my every move I make and pulls natural, daily movements out of me that I had no idea I could do...or he finds over the top movements that will increase my daily function. He gives me so much of his time. He has started a process that will make me more independent than I could ever have dreamed. There are lots of things people, and myself, have assumed I was capable of....Brian is taking the time to give me the experiences of those things. Talking and experiencing are completely different. Adam always wanted me to be more independent in my workouts...but, I never had the resources to be. Brian is helping me through things and exercises that will strengthen me to be as independent on my own as Adam always wanted me to be. It just doesn't happen over night. I had to start somewhere...doesn't come about with the snap of a finger.

My God couldn't have given me a better gift than sending me to train with Brian. God has prepared all of the desires of my heart and laid them out one by one for me over the last 5 months. I cry, in awe and appreciation, on a regular basis because of the daily gifts Brian gives me...that I know most of you wouldn't bat an eye at. I'm so fortunate that Brian has such a passion for what he's doing and that it comes so easily to him and isn't a burden.

We did some cardio upstairs yesterday. The Prowler really kicks my tail! Today Brian took me downstairs after we stretched and he hooked my legs to the bench with his lifting belt (I didn't have my straps with me). From my belly up, I was hanging off the bench, head touching the floor. And I raised myself up backwards. I didn't go all the way up, but I had so much more movement than I thought I'd have, and Brian said I got better every time. It's such an incredible feeling to go in and do things that I never thought possible from not being able to use my legs to keep me down. It's much different than being strapped up in my braces, the way I used to walk as a kid. That was like robotic. I wasn't free to move around normally. But with the stuff we do...yes, I need straps, but the rest of my body moves about in a natural way. The way that everybody ELSE gets to move. And, Brian has taken his time to figure out how to make those things possible for me. That is a debt that isn't repayable...among so many others.

When you have something about yourself that runs so deeply in you and is such a part of your whole life, and you absolutely hate it is a tough thing to carry.....when you have someone that makes the discovery with/for you that it isn't so bad or it can be fixed, even in the least, it forms a very indescribable bond, unless you have lived through it. That's the part that most of you don't understand when I'm so expressive of how much someone means to me. I have felt broken all of my life. And there have been certain people that, little by little, have done a thing here or there to show me that maybe I'm not as broken as I think. But, to go in and have someone take the time to improve your quality of life, so that even after they might not be there your abilities will be forever strengthened.....it's a very liberating feeling to know that I'm not stuck in the same position doing the same things for the rest of my life.

I'm kinda stuck as to how to end this blog entry. I feel like I could talk forever, just because today meant so much for me to find out that I actually have muscles that (probably) can be strengthened. It was a lot like going up and getting on that exercise bike in Ann Arbor. I never expected my legs to do what they were actually supposed to do. And, I'm super thankful to have someone who doesn't mind taking the time to help make my dreams come true....way beyond the dream of the Paralympics. He's helping me become a very 'normal' person.